Happy Holidays

This season has been a great one for myself and my family. My sister being here, always makes everything better. I can't say there are many people that I would miss having around on a day to day basis as much as my sister.

We went to Christmas Reflections at Fort Edmonton Park on Saturday. It was amazing. It was the most festive thing you can imagine. The snow was falling softly, there were live Christmas Carols, coffee and hot chocolates, horse led carts to go on rides in, candy shops, and the ambiance put me in the right spirits. We went out afterwards to this amazing vegan restaurant for dinner and had a cozy evening just hanging out, eating delicious food and enjoying each other's company.

We also had the joy of taking care of Sifu Freitag's lovely puppy for Christmas eve. It was almost like getting a puppy for Christmas without the responsibility of training it and taking care of it. So that was an unexpected Christmas gift.

I unfortunately missed my blog day this weekend. I didn't even realize that Sunday had come and gone and I hadn't even thought about writing. I ruined my streak, but hey, we all make mistakes. I can just do better next time. Perhaps I'll write my blog ahead of time next time.

Diffusion of Responsibility

In class last week, Sifu Freitag brought up an interesting concept. The concept was the bystander effect. She used the example of an argument that escalates to the point where someone needs to step in before someone is seriously hurt. She talked about how people are much less likely to jump in to help a victim when there are other people around because everyone is kind of looking to the individual next to them thinking "they will do something about it." There are many different factors that come into play in these situations, but it reminded me of something I read about recently called diffusion of responsibility.

There are many different choices we make every day. The choice to recycle, our choice of what we consume and purchase, the choice of how we treat the people around us, the choice of how we react to injustices etc.. The interesting thing is that diffusion of responsibility exists everywhere we look. We as a society have become okay with passing the responsibility of great choices and decision making onto others. We rely on politicians to make change in our country. We expect corporations to change our environment. And we also look to our peers for someone to take responsibility for our problems. It's so easy to dismiss your actions as unimportant. There's no way one person can make a difference. We're all looking for something or someone bigger to provoke the changes we want to see in the world.

Imagine if we all took responsibility for the role we play. Imagine if every person did everything we could for our neighbours, for our environment. I think we could live in a veritable utopia. It is very easy to pass responsibility onto our neighbours, but imagine what a difference we could make, if we all realized the power we have as individuals.

“In the last analysis, the essential thing is the life of individual. This alone makes history, here alone do the great transformations take place, and the whole future, the whole history of the world, ultimately springs as a gigantic summation from these hidden source in individuals.”
― C.G. Jung

Christmas Spirit

I had so much fun last night during our shift. I felt really proud of our group for taking on this extra time to raise funds for a great community cause. A friend of mine said to me, "I bet that was boring. You just sit there and ring a bell." But before I knew it, my hour was over and I was handing over the bells to Mr. Kohut.

I tried to spend my time there being really in the moment. Looking at people in the eyes and smiling at them. Genuinely wishing everyone great holiday spirits and encouraging generosity with my own spirit. And I think most people were very receptive. 

This time of year can be hard, because this is the time of year where almost all charities are driving hard for fundraising. So you have to choose the charities that speak to you personally. I was excited because at work this year instead of gifts for our clients, we took the money and donated it to some local charities. I think if everyone did this rather than give gifts, we could make this season a great one for almost everyone. Perhaps that's just naive, but I like to think of the small things we do, that can make a big difference. 

This season often encourages consumerism, what better way to turn things around than to give back? 

“Money is not the only commodity that is fun to give. We can give time, we can give our expertise, we can give our love or simply give a smile. What does that cost? The point is, none of us can ever run out of something worthwhile to give.”
― Steve Goodier

The Mental Side

I consider myself lucky to have had very formidable female role models. My mom is tough as nails, and has always had a take no nonsense attitude. And then I'm fortunate to have grown up around people like Sifu Freitag, Sifu Rybak, Sifu Cosgrove, my lovely sister, and so many others, who have all shown me the path to follow in order to grow into a strong confident woman.

In class a couple of months ago, Sifu Brinker said to the black belt class that we needed to work more on our mental game when we're practicing applications. We need to know that we're willing to go all the way. That doesn't mean that when we practice with our partners, we're going to go that far but, he expects us to know where we stand and be confident that we have the ability to do so.

Ever since that lesson, I've been really evaluating the way I approach my martial arts training. It's easier for me to focus on the physical details than train my attitude and my approach. But I think I know the direction I need to go. Step by step.

Respect

Respect is a large part of our intelligent curriculum. We teach empathy and compassion and discipline and respect. We teach how to have respect for ourselves and our bodies, and how to treat everyone around us.

I think as youths sometimes we don't understand how fortunate we are to have the leaders we do in our lives. We don't enjoy discipline, we think we know best, and we often make poor choices because of it. We may overlook how fortunate we are to have great teachers and mentors, but hopefully somewhere along the way, we've learned that those people are rare and valuable.

As adults, I expect many people to have outgrown this behaviour. We have had many opportunities to learn that our lives are full of precious gifts. We don't all live lives of glamour and riches, but those things are not what make our lives fulfilling. It's often in the least fortunate people that you see the most amount of gratitude. They know what it means to suffer, and they are more open to showing gratitude and appreciation for everything they do receive.

I find it difficult to watch someone be, what I consider, disrespectful. I have been taught from a young age, through my family and through my training, that people deserve to be treated respectfully. In different scenarios, this means something different, but should always mean gratitude for that person in your life. I wish there was a way to make that a universal truth.

Roots

When I first started working for my parents, all of the office plants were either dead, or on the verge of death. They looked pathetic and in need of some serious love and attention. I re-potted some, I watered them all and some, I fertilized.

I recently planted a couple of young aloe plants in a pot and I've been watching them closely. At first, they weren't doing too well and I couldn't understand. I thought maybe the office was just bad luck. Then my aunt mentioned that aloe doesn't grow roots unless you water it from the bottom. Since I started this, they have really begun to thrive.

It's amazing some things in our lives that make the biggest impressions. The significance of nourishing the roots to make the aloe strong has really made me re-evaluate my training and where my focus is. Nature inspires me in complex ways.

I have spent the last two weeks with the Orange/Green class and I really tried to focus on the basics. I felt it would be valuable to spend our time focusing on our root system, in order to improve all of our skills. I made a point in one of the classes that I don't work on my horse stance to pass any tests or because anyone tells me I need to. I work on my horse stance for myself, because it affects everything else that I practice. Every time I step into the stance, I evaluate how it feels and how I can improve it.

I'm not saying that having a large and diverse syllabus is not valuable, but we need to recognize the roots in all of the things that we practice. The techniques in the syllabus are all just tools for developing our six harmonies. And in order to do that, we must make sure we're practicing with mindfulness and the right intentions.

What Kung Fu Has Done For Me

For years since I was sick, I have been working to come to terms with what happened to me. Or I guess the thing that my body did to itself. Either way, I've had a lot of muddled emotions to work through, and it will be a long process still to come. I've been looking back through some of my old journal entries, and have recently had some memories come back to me of my hospital stay and soon after. It's amazing the perspective you have when you look back at something that you struggled through.

I have made a realization about what kung fu has done for me. In order to be promoted to black belt, you have to write an essay on this topic. At the time, most of the things I had gone through were not hugely trying. Sure, I've had injuries, and I've struggled with making good choices throughout my youth, but I think a lot of people go through those things, and as long as you come out on top, you've been successful. I would also say looking back that, although I had many struggles in China including some emotional abuse, I consider myself lucky to have had that opportunity and did my best to make the most of it.

But my experience with GBS has really given me a different perspective on what kung fu has done for me. After something so traumatic, it would be easy to decide that I  could no longer function the way I could before, and couldn't carry on with my normal life. It would be easy to stay on pain medications and resign myself to a lifetime of discomfort. And it would be easy to ignore the emotional and psychological impacts of my experience.

So kung fu has given me the courage to continue to push my limits. To look inwards with honesty and compassion to see where I am, and how I can continue to improve. It has helped me notice the symptoms of anxiety and made me brave enough to seek help. It has given me the motivation to care, and a community of people who are supportive and encouraging on my path of recovery. This has made me the person I am today. Capable of empathy and compassion and inspiration.

New Perspective

I'm in a pretty good mental space right now. I've been spending a lot of my time recently working on my perspective. As I said, it kind of started with the realization that I had made an agreement with myself that I was going to be tired, at the beginning of the day every day, and then just making that my reality.

This small sort of epiphany has led me to think a lot about all of the decisions I make regularly, consciously and unconsciously, that make up my personal reality. In the four agreements, the author talks at one point about how if you decide that you are stupid, you will take actions that affirm the belief that you are stupid.

I am starting to realize that there are many decisions I have made about who I am that are not really serving me. "I'm unmotivated" for example. Saying to myself, I'm not a very motivated person, makes that a reality for me. I make decisions throughout my life that reflect the belief I have about myself.

I got sick, and I believed that my nervous system was not working properly. Since then, I have had more and more problems with anxiety and stress. Is it okay to be struggling with these things? Of course. We all have difficulties that we work through in our lives.

I am just trying to be more in tune with what is happening with my mind and body, and spending less time making decisions about how or who I am or what I should be feeling and living in this reality. I am happy, I am healthy and I am blessed, in this life, right now.

Tiger Challenge 2017

I had a tonne of fun yesterday. It was a learning experience as far as judging and scoring goes. I learned a lot. I was also very excited to see a lot of the students that I help teach in the Monday/Wednesday advanced class really show off the stuff they've been working on.

I was ridiculously nervous about the dragon dance. But, it went very smoothly. I wouldn't say flawless, but pretty well considering the amount of practice time we had together. Being black belt grand champion was exciting and unexpected. But, what I took away the most from it, is how much I have improved, even since last year. I remember struggling with my balance in all of my forms, in particular, kempo. Just something else that helps indicate how far I've come in the past couple years.

Thanks to everyone for being super supportive, and congratulations on great performances and a lot of hard work.

Casting the I Ching

So I've received a promotion at work. Which is cool, although it will make my work more demanding. But I also think I could use it as an opportunity to improve on some of my administration skills and take some courses that would help me in the future with some of my business goals.

The I Ching is a super ancient type of Chinese divination. Now I don't know how much weight I put into any kind of divination, but I do believe in the power of synchronicity, and I know in Daoism, there is the theory that our paths all cross like a spider's web. I believe the term that my master used to used was "fen". The idea that we all have a role to play in each other's reality. As we have all experienced, what seems like a very small and simple decision, can have very large repercussions to someone else.

Anyways, casting the I Ching. I got a changing hexagram; yin changing to yang. Which is cool because the first hexagram I got was considered an "evil" hexagram. So now I'm moving into what would be called an auspicious time. Although it's hard to say when one will end and the next begins. But for now, what I've taken from it, is that I have an abyss in front of me, and an abyss behind me, and the best thing to do is wait. But soon, I will move forward into a time where the tree falls and the monkeys will scatter (yep, one of the interpretations, figure that one out!)

Well, that was an odd blog....

Accountability

I was thinking a little bit about what I talked about in the meeting. Making commitments to people so that I stay engaged with my kung fu. Whether or not they are acknowledged, they are things that matter to me. I feel like I'm an integral part of something, and that drives me to be there as much as possible. Whether or not it's reality, it helps drive me to improve and keep moving forward.

I hope someday I can make a commitment just to myself. Making myself accountable to me. The only one I let down is me, but that's something huge. I feel the importance of this already. Being honest with myself is the first step. I won't be accountable to myself, if I don't acknowledge where I'm truly at. Did I do my pushups today? No. Why? Because I chose not to. I have to be willing to have these conversations with myself.

At the same time, there's always this thought in my mind. Would I be able to stop doing kung fu? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. Even if I became mediocre for a while, there's something inside of me that feels like kung fu gives my life purpose. And not because my occupation is not valuable, or because I don't play a very active role in my family. But kung fu makes me recognize the quality of everything I'm doing in my life and question whether or not I could be doing it better. It makes me practice my compassion and empathy, because I can always be growing as a person, and even those skills take practice.

So I hope one day I will be accountable to me. And I know that the path I'm on, the path that kung fu has shown me but that I have chose to walk down, is the best way for me to get there.

A friend of mine has been living in Nepal for about nine months studying Tibetan Buddhism. Having a conversation recently she was explaining to me that a lot of their study and practice involves the preparation for death. They do not believe that this physical reality we live in now is the end of life. It is a state of consciousness that we all go through to get to the next dimension of reality. Every morning when you wake, before you move or get up, you open your eyes, look around, and ask yourself, "am I still part of this physical world?". If the answer is yes, the next thing you ask yourself is, "okay, now what am I going to do with this day?". It puts you into the right perspective first thing so that no matter what happens, you've set your intention for the day.

This week someone lost his life on one of our job-sites. I didn't know him personally, but as I'm sure you can imagine, our office was chaos. There are still investigations ongoing so I can't say much about it, other than, it looks like an accident. My heart aches for his family and friends.

I couldn't have had a more pertinent reminder of what this weekend is about. I spent most of my time off thinking about how lucky I am that, in this reality, I am surrounded by so much love.

Goodbye September

I haven't had an easy time thinking of something to write for this blog. I've been really busy lately with life, but I'm working on changing my perspective to incorporate kung fu into a lot more of the things I do on a day to day basis. I've started writing in a journal before bed which is something I've never really considered before, since I don't love sitting and writing down my thoughts. But I'm supposed to be using the journal to write 3 things I'm grateful for every day. I'm not super consistent, but I'm enjoying it more than I thought I would which is a great place to be. Again, it's all about perspective.

I've cut out coffee, again. It's so easy to pick up a habit like coffee. You start with one cup here and there, and then it becomes 2 cups, and soon you feel like you can't finish the day without it. Maybe not everyone gets to that point, but as I already have problems with fatigue, I decided it was a good idea to get off of the java train.

Lastly, our month of vegetarianism was great! I have a little bit of an internal struggle because of the auto immune protocol diets that I've been trying. Most, don't eat gluten or dairy, and then more extreme ones don't eat grains of any kind, legumes, or night shades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers etc). So if I'm vegetarian, what do I actually eat? I have to ask myself what my priority is, how I feel physically, and how far I want to take this diet. I don't enjoy eating meat all the time. Don't get the impression that I don't love meat.. but I feel as a conscious consumer, I need to eat what I need to, not just what I want to. It's something that I'm working on formulating a plan for. But I haven't made any solid decisions yet.

Input and Output

I've been spending this week really thinking about my requirements.  I know each has a purpose, but I've also been trying to think about what I get exactly from completing them. It's a rare day that I actually accomplish everything on my list but why do I keep such ambitious goals.

The truth is that even though I don't get to check all my boxes everyday, I get an amazing sense of accomplishment from what I do get done.  I can look back even a few months ago and see improvements in many aspects of my training. I can also say that mentally and spiritually I've had a lot of growth. So the I Ho Chuan is giving me exactly what I'm putting into it.  Which I believe is the key.  You can't expect to get more out of something than you're willing to put in. 

Teaching Internal

I have discovered recently how difficult it can be to communicate to someone, the power of something internal. The ability to feel one's body from the inside out, not just from external stimuli, could change a martial artist's perspective.

Mentally it's difficult because there is so much more to the Qi Gong than just the external movements. Sure, anyone can teach you to hold your arms out to both sides and turn as far as you can to stretch out your core. That's just stretching though, and there's so much more to the study of Qi Gong. I've heard it described as Daoist yoga. And maybe to a very advanced yoga practitioner that has found that internal power, that is applicable. But so many people I know practice yoga for a workout or to stretch, but spend very little time reflecting on their energy.

There is power in learning to feel your micro muscles and where you have stiffness. Which muscles you don't normally notice and which movements leave you feeling recharged after. But most importantly is the power of learning to heal yourself. When you can start to read the signs that maybe you have a cold or flu coming on. When you can tell that hey, my neck and shoulders are really tight today, maybe that's a precursor to a migraine that I'm getting chronically. Or maybe there are no symptoms, but you're just learning to get your body operating at optimum levels.

So the difficult part isn't teaching someone how to move, it's teaching them how to feel the movements, inside and out. This kind of teaching is great practice for me. Maybe one day it will translate into great insight for others as well.

Limits

We talk a lot about arbitrary limits in the I Ho Chuan. I know sometimes it may seem that I'm limiting myself, and to some degree that is true. Sometimes I have to convince myself to stop and take a break. Sometimes, the voice in my head is telling me, oh yeah, you can totally handle to take on these three more things today. But I have learned since I became sick that, indeed, that voice can be a liar. I have felt the after effects of some of my more ambitious plans, and it sometimes can wreak havoc on my system for days or weeks. Just as a lot of people get stuck on their couch, it's also easy to get stuck in a negative pattern of overdoing things, then a forced recovery.

And in comes the next step, progressing wisely. We're all not superheroes... yet. That doesn't mean that we can't achieve superherodom at some point in our lives. But, if we try to jump off the roof tomorrow and expect our cape to keep us from landing flat on our faces, there's a good chance we're going to be going several steps backwards on our paths to mastery. I try to always feel like I'm pushing myself. Sometimes mentally, sometimes physically, but I have to keep making progress.

My therapist said something to me on Friday that really stuck. She said, "the grim reaper on our shoulder, can make life truly sweet." I'm just going to keep that in the forefront of my mind when I'm deciding how far to push myself and which direction I'm heading. There are still so many opportunities for growth, and as long as I keep moving forward and keep loving life, I think I'm on the right path.

Wrapping Up Summer

We have spent the last two weekends completely wrapped up in canning. I love this part of the year where you get to harvest a lot of the things out of the garden and preserve it in some fashion for the coming winter. There are few things as rewarding for me as eating fresh veggies out of the garden, or taking out a can of preserves we've made and chowing down.

During one of my therapy sessions, she walked me through a specific meditation that led me to believe that oddly enough, the squirrel is my animal guide. Whether you believe in that stuff or not is pretty irrelevant, because the message is still the same. The squirrel represents balance. It needs to find a way to work hard and save lots of nuts and seeds for the winter months, and also has to have a time for play. Play time is where it chases it's squirrel friends around, throws pine cones at passers by and has some good ol' squawking chuckles in it's tree. Work time, where I'm making money at my job, meal planning, buying groceries and canning, and play time where I'm having campfires with my family, and working on my goals (depending on your view that could be work time, but I prefer to think of it as play). I feel like this is the balance I'm looking for. I want to be as prepared for the winter as I can, but I also need to find time for family and friends, my training, etc.

The last few weeks before and after the wedding have been poor for my numbers, but great for my state of mind. I've come back and gotten back on the wagon with purpose and drive. I remembered why I'm doing what I'm doing and what my goals are. And my goal is mastery, not necessarily 50,000 pushups. That's the tool to get me there. So I'm back at it. Recording numbers, trying to be mindful of my requirements, and taking steps forward. It's nice to feel a little bit more balance again.

Rocks, Pebbles and Sand

So I subscribe to a blog by a homesteader. She's got a lot of information about how to make preserves, gardening, keeping chickens, and lots of other useful skills I've been trying to develop. Last week she wrote a blog called "how I don't do it all". My first reaction was a bit puzzled, because this is the kind of lady that you look at and think, how does she do all that stuff? But, her blog was basically outlining how she prioritizes her life.

She used the rock, pebbles, and sand analogy that I personally was unfamiliar with. You take a jar, and you put a few big rocks in it. The big rocks are your highest priorities like family and friends, your health, or fulfilling hopes and dreams. Then you take pebbles and put as many of those as you can fit. Pebbles are the things that give you quality of life. Your job or career, your home, and your hobbies. And then you put sand into the jar which represents your lowest priorities like, watching TV or movies, reading, and spending time on social media. Depending on the person, these might not represent your rocks, pebbles and sand, but these are some examples.

Her biggest pointer was that the first thing you need to do is decide what your rocks are. What are your highest priorities? Then move onto the pebbles, and lastly the sand. So even though you might not get everything done in a day, you know you've taken care of the things that are the most important to you. Keeping those things in front of you, can help you to accept when you feel like you're falling behind in your "tasks" and just appreciate that all the things that really matter are done.

I think I really need to sit down, and look at my rocks. Maybe I'll take a couple big rocks and write on them to remind myself.

Family

I have found myself in the past week reflecting a lot on how fortunate I am. I have been blessed to have the amazing family that I do. Not only my parents and sister, but my aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandmas all played a part in making our wedding ceremony happen as smoothly as it did. I had friends come from Edinburgh and New York, former classmates from China, staying at the house and lending a hand. And of course some of my new family. My new in-laws helping us coordinate.  And cue our friends from Silent River. We had a fantastic lion dance, followed by people helping clean up dishes, and coordinate food and drinks.

It went perfectly. Better than I could have imagined. I just wanted to send out a big thank you to everyone that made our day so special.

Rest

I had a very interesting conversation the other day where we were discussing two very highly traded commodities. Crude oil being the obvious one, and coffee being the other. It was suggested that in our society today, we value fuel above all else. And the major mental state that we strive for is wakefulness and alertness.

Sleep is something that we tend to be resistant to. Spending all of our waking hours trying to accomplish so much, we've forgotten all of the important things accomplished while we sleep. People that are consistently sleep deprived are proven to have higher rates of Alzheimers. I read something written yesterday, by a pediatrician, that a high majority of kids he's treated diagnosed with ADHD are sleep deprived. Keep in mind, kids generally require more sleep than adults.

It's interesting that we live these lives filled with so many stimuli, that when we're exhausted at the end of the day and try to lay down, it's impossible to get any quality sleep. You wake up the next day in an already drained state, to conquer another day filled with tasks that need to be accomplished. Where do we find the time to rest? Where do we find the time to play?

For most of us, this is where our kung fu comes in. It provides a space for us to focus on our training, and become mindful of our bodies. It gets us out of our "rush mode." It's not a task that needs to be completed because it's never really complete. It has this infinity to it, that I have found over time, to be exactly what I need to balance my mind. It teaches me to be disciplined, so I'm not letting everything bog me down, but it's also something fun for me, done completely for pleasure. It teaches me to be compassionate, which again helps bring me back to the present moment so I can live moment to moment instead of list to list.

Externalizing the Internal

In black belt class we've been working on some concepts that I've found really frustrating. First we started talking about whether we're pushing or pulling while we're slide stepping backwards. I find because I don't have full feeling in my feet, the push is necessary so I can keep heavy contact with the ground. If I don't have a heavy enough foot, it's really hard for me to stay rooted. I don't want to be lifting out of my centre all the time.

So after I asked how to move forward with this concept, Sifu Brinker broke down how to externalize the internal. So I can work on physically manifesting what I'm trying to achieve with my energy while I'm slide stepping. That whole break down really helped me visualize how to move forward with this concept.

On Saturday at Tai Chi class I had one of those "a ha" moments. I realized that when we're practicing Tai Chi, we are practicing externalizing the internal. We work a lot on moving from our waist, turning through each movement and executing from our centre. Our hands are always moving together in circular motions and our feet are always placed before shifting our weight. Now we've talked about how when we move to combat scenarios, this all changes. Our movements become much more linear, and more application focused. But we're trying to use our energy to internalize the circular movements so we can maximize our effectiveness. Combining flowing circular techniques internally, with smaller more linear external techniques.

This breakthrough has really helped me find some ways to work through some of my frustrations.

Flexing our Consumer Muscle

So this plastics challenge has given me a lot of food for thought.

My dad said, "so, it doesn't really make sense for us to take everything wrapped in plastic and put it in paper." I agree. So what's the solution?

I'd like the solution to be more sustainable sources for making paper. There are a lot of new fibres that people are making paper out of that are much faster growing, and easier to process into paper - like hemp and bamboo. There are also a lot of new ways of making biodegradable plastic bags and other plastics. Homegrown foods in Stony Plain has a plastic looking bag made out of corn. And it's not like there isn't a surplus of corn in North America. A lot of it grown not for food, but for ethanol. We have so much new scientific knowledge, that it's really silly that we're not applying a lot of this new technology to environmental conservation.

This is where we need to start flexing our consumer muscle. Taking the time to look at the things before we buy them. Looking for companies that are willing to go the extra mile to make the choices for packaging sustainable, and making sure the plastics and paper we do buy are recyclable and end up where they should. It's so easy to become complacent and cynical and approach it all with a good ol', "so and so isn't doing it, so why should I?" But we all know, that's now how to make change happen.

Cultivating Compassion

I listened to a really great podcast this week.  It was with a Tibetan Buddhist monk and it was mostly on the topic of happiness.  One of the points that he made was that happy is a very vague term that can encompass a lot of different feelings and emotions based on our perspective.

He used the dalai lama as an example.  He said if you find a real spiritual teacher, they are someone that is consistent. Someone that always shows their real character even behind closed doors.  You don't think of a spiritual teacher and think oh he's a great teacher, but he's so grumpy.  The two are just not very compatible. 

He also suggested that true happiness is something that takes work.  We all make the time consistently to exercise our bodies to stay healthy but we don't spend 20 minutes everyday to cultivate compassion.  I took some time this weekend to just be quiet and reflect.  It was something I need to do more of in the future.  I don't have any intention of being a great spiritual leader, but I do have the intention of keeping my mind and spirit healthy.

Daoist Medicine Theories

In China I studied a lot of Daoist internal medicine theory. The theory comes from the idea that you can circulate Qi or Chi through your body with control in order to use your own body's energy for health. According to Daoist theory, we all store our Qi somewhere called our DanTian and although there are many parts to this and many different types of Qi, I'm going to leave it a that. Through practice and meditation, we can learn to move our Qi first through the main meridian that runs up and down the centre of our bodies, and with further practice through the rest of the 10 meridians. 

A lot of Chinese medicine practice stems from the five element theory. The five elements are like a template that divide natural phenomena into five groups or patterns.  The five groups starting with Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water. In each of these groups there are other characteristics that correspond to each element. For example, Wood is representative of the liver and also of the emotion anger. The theory can become very complicated and there is a lot of depth to it. I'd like to just outline a very basic idea. 

The five major or 'yin' organs are the kidneys(water), lungs(metal), liver(wood), spleen(earth), and heart(fire). Each of them also has a corresponding yang organ, a direction, an emotion, a colour, a flavour, and I could go on and on. I have found a lot of benefit in practicing Qi Gong, where we work on opening up the twelve meridians associated with these different elements and organs. I'm hoping that over time I'll be able to share some of this theory.

Cutting Out Plastic

When we started this challenge I had a whole mental plan. As a lot of mental plans go, there were some seriously unrealistic ideas in my mind. For example, how much preparation it takes to buy groceries. We've been trying to do meal planning, which makes planning for shopping a lot easier, but still there's always those last minute things that you forgot about and those things that you're used to having as staples in your diet, that suddenly are unavailable.

Dan and I make a lot of smoothies, and we often use some kind of frozen fruit. I never really thought about how many bags that adds to our waste, although we are very diligent with our recycling. I filled up my car with reusable containers for my trip to bulk barn and it can be a little difficult to get used to. But I'm really hoping this challenge will make me more mindful of what I'm buying and how it's packaged and whether or not I should be using my purchasing power for that product.

I am making even more of my own food now. No convenient sauces in a plastic jar. No yogurt (because who has seen yogurt in glass?). And now that I just thought about it, no cheese! I'll figure it out. By the end of this mission to reduce my footprint, I might just be a full on homesteader...

You might be curious why?... why is plastic so bad? Here's a link of some really disturbing statistics about our use of plastics. https://www.ecowatch.com/22-facts-about-plastic-pollution-and-10-things-we-can-do-about-it-1881885971.html

P.S. Cellophane is biodegradable... it's not easy to identify. What I read is, if it rips straight it's cellophane based, if it stretches, it's not. I don't know how accurate that is. Just something to keep in mind if you're on board with this challenge.

Plastic Free July

So I came across an email that I would have shared earlier if I had the chance to read it. It's about something called Plastic Free July. People take a pledge to not purchase any single use plastic products. This is something I think about often when I shop, but this month, hopefully I'll really get some good ideas. There's a mailing list where they send out tips and tricks to keep your purchases plastic free.

This doesn't mean that you can't use plastic. We all have containers that are designed to be used many times before being recycled. Also, now that I've discovered bringing my own containers into places like bulk barn, I might be able to enjoy a lot  of the same foods, without all the trash. I'm going to try and buy a lot of my berries and fruits from the farmers market. Since the vendors there are perfectly content to let you bring in your own containers. It is mostly going to take a lot of prep and a lot more forethought before heading out to shop for groceries. I know it's going to be challenging, but I'm also sure it will be a lot of fun to challenge myself like this. I left the link below for anyone else interested in trying to take this on.


http://action.storyofstuff.org/sign/plastic-free-july17/?t=4&akid=7276.1016292.fRAMap

Qi Gong

I was approached a couple of times recently about teaching Qi Gong. I am really excited about this prospect. It's something that I love, and I have certainly felt the benefits of. Also, it's something that I don't have a lot of  experience teaching, but something that I'm really excited about sharing. 

I know it's kind of crazy to undertake something else at this point, but I have a great opportunity here that certainly isn't going to come along every day. Life is funny sometimes. You decide to do less, and suddenly you have something new thrown at you, that you have to decided whether to undertake or not. Weigh the pros and cons and decide what's best for you. I think I've decided to go for it. 

Balance

I've been working for my parents pretty much since I got out of the hospital. Just a few hours here and there in the beginning. I couldn't drive and so would end up riding in with my mom and just doing what I could to kill time. I've been fortunate that I was mostly able to make my own hours and work as much as I could while often leaving randomly for appointments and heading home for naps when I was really beat. I've also been fortunate in that I was still putting in a lot of time at the kwoon. Staying for Monday, Wednesday evenings until 930 and not worrying too much about getting up for 545am. Putting my energy in where I most wanted to.

At work we've just hired 20 new employees and it looks like it's going to be a busy summer. I've been putting in full time hours, sometimes more just so I can finish my daily tasks. I've been really struggling to keep up with everything at work, and as far as my training goes, a lot of it has really fallen off. I struggle with my energy levels as I've mentioned before, and I'm not really keeping up. So, I've decided I need to cut back my time at the kwoon. I really can't cut back hours at work. I feel they've been more than accommodating for my weird schedule. It's time for me to buckle down and do my part. No more orange/green class for me. At least not regularly. I love that class. It's been the most rewarding for me to be part of. I felt like I was really starting to connect with some of the students. But my health has to come first. So there it is... 

How do you measure peace?

I heard a statistic on CBC radio this week that said, "the world is becoming more and more peaceful." I looked at Dan and said how do you measure peace?

From what I've read on this subject, it appears to be measured by the amount of violent crime and casualties of war. I don't know that I agree that we can measure peace just by less violence. But it also shows the power of the media and how our focus as viewers is always turned toward violence and war. What about those feel good fluff pieces? What about important pieces about our effect on the environment? And what about pieces where you hear about how to become more active community members? That's the news I'd also like to hear.

I feel that there are a lot of important exclusions in this study, but it is nice to hear, that among all of the news reports on violence and terrorism recently, there is a little gold nugget in there.

Addiction

I feel a lot of sympathy for kids nowadays. How many kids do we all know that suffer from anxiety? Is it because of new methods of bullying on social media, or is it because we're all so plugged in all the time we're just too overstimulated? I feel as an adult I have more tools and experience to deal with all this, but I see kids struggle. I heard on CBC radio last week that any screen time for a child less than 2 years old can cause developmental delays and problems with attention span and concentration. 

I personally feel it's really important to unplug on a daily basis. Not just when I'm doing kung fu, but reading a book, meditating and cooking. I try make sure to set my phone aside most of the time I'm at home so that I can live here, in the moment, without all of the constant distractions. I read that every time you 'clean up' your email inbox your brain releases serotonin as if you've accomplished an important task, and it's very easy to get addicted to those feelings of accomplishment and I find this to be true. So I practice leaving emails unread and take pride in leaving tasks unfinished once in a while. Yep, that sounds weird, even to me.  

But there are also great benefits to having access to "the net". There are more resources when you are dealing with a bullying situation. We have more information in regards to our health. And it's easy to keep in touch with long distance friends, or even make new friends with similar interests. It's just difficult sometimes to find the balance that we need between access at our fingertips, and the choice to unplug. 

Plastics

Well, pandamonium was really fun. We didn't seem to have as many people come out this year, but there was an amazing atmosphere on and off the mats. It was great how many people participated in the 24hours of continuous Kung fu. 
While in Houston, Brandi was telling me about a documentary she watched called addicted to plastic. She found it depressing and very discouraging, but she decided she wanted to then try to go zero waste. Which sounds like something anyone could accomplish, but it's definitely not as easy as one would think. We were even talking about how it's virtually impossible to buy berries that aren't in plastic. So this again has made me more conscious of what I'm purchasing and how it's packaged.

The cool thing is that just like 2 days after I got home, I found out that Bulk Barn is now allowing people to bring in reusable containers. I remember the first time I tried this and the discussion that ensued with the cashier as to why I wasn't able to do that. To me, that was the biggest reason to shop there. It was really frustrating. Happy to say, I made my first purchase this week in a reusable glass jar. This isn't a Bulk Barn advertisement or anything, but I think it's worthwhile for a lot of people to check it out. It's crazy how something so small can be so rewarding. I think if we all shopped more mindfully, the idea of zero waste would be much more realistic. It's something that I'm working on this year. One purchase at a time.

Houston

I've been having a great time here with Brandi and her husband Simon. It's great to get out of the routine and mix things up for a refresher.  We spent a large part of this morning talking about dreams and the subconscious mind.  Simon is great to bounce ideas off of because his major is religious studies and the occult and so he has many different cultural and spiritual references to draw from.

Simon was also a classmate of ours in China.  So the three of us spent yesterday morning all going through some forms together.  Discussing applications and the internal theory of movements.  So even though I'm away, I've been able to get some really great practice in.  I needed this time to really get back into a positive mindset.

This morning we went to a craft museum which was both super interesting and also very heavy.  There was an exhibit there focusing on veterans and the art they've created to deal with their feelings while trying to reintegrate back into society.  It really provokes thought to the struggle that veterans must go through.  It brought me mentally back to the kind-act-a-thon. Reminding myself of the power of kindness.  I've been really taking the time to look for opportunities for acts of kindness.  Keeping that at the forefront while I'm here.  Taking time to smile at a museum security guard and hold the door for someone. I'm looking forward to pandamonium.

Just Show Up

This week has been an interesting one for me personally. This year so far, outside of losing energy and struggling physically, I've stayed in a pretty good frame of mind. However, for some odd reason, this week I felt pretty unmotivated and frustrated with my training. I learned something valuable though, as always. One, I learned that I can still get excited about kung fu when I show up and go to classes. Two, even though I felt unmotivated I still got a lot done by just showing up and participating. I've also been having tonnes of fun with the Kind-Act-A-Thon. Being mindful about it really brings me back to the moment, which is something I certainly need some help with right now.

My aunt called me early in the week and asked me to talk to the family of someone she knows that's in the ICU at the UofA with GBS right now. That's a lot of acronyms in a single sentence. Ha. I've been having all sorts of bad dreams since which leave me with a pit of dread in place of my stomach. It's not like I've never talked about it before. But I've never talked to someone that's suffering from it right now. I don't know what to say and I'm scared I'll make things worse. I know how scary it is to be paralyzed and unable to talk, but I've never talked to someone paralyzed and unable to talk.

I'm leaving on Friday night to go hang out with my sister for the long weekend. A much needed break and time spent with someone that I've shared so much with. I'm so lucky to have her. I can hope I come back in a better frame of mind and a clearer perspective.

The Real Impact

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who came out to the pitch in project this weekend. It was a beautiful day, and because there were many hands, it made light work for everyone. Although those soggy bikes weren't exactly 'light'.

As much as I like this project  for it's obvious reasons, team work, community service, and a good ol' fashion cleanup, I always find it a little disheartening.

I know I've written this before, but I have the same internal dialogue each time I go. I find it so frustrating that we have to pick up the garbage. Not because someone didn't throw it in the garbage can, but because it exists at all. I work pretty hard at reducing my impact and especially since I live out in the country, I do a lot of driving. So I focus on the things I can really control. What I'm buying, and what I do with whatever waste I'm left with. I find a lot of the things we're picking up are recyclable, but past the point of really saving. There are so many paper cups with lids, fast food bags, and candy wrappers I just want to scream sometimes. I've often made comments about China and how, there, you can see the garbage because people just throw it on the ground. Just because we pick up the garbage and put it somewhere you can't see, doesn't mean it's gone. It's just hidden so we're not faced with the reality of our real impact on the environment.

This is why I love Silent River. Part of our intelligent curriculum is developing things like empathy, and personal and environmental self defense. If we can get people educated, hopefully it will help change the way someone looks at a plastic bag, a Styrofoam cup, or a cardboard box. Maybe they will see the real impact of their actions and make different choices.

Vermicomposting

So Vermicomposting, or the fancy name for composting with worms, is my new project to reduce my environmental impact.

Vermicomposting is a great way to compost especially for people that don't have access to a yard. I do have a yard, but outdoor composting gets complicated in the winter time here. Also, if you're able to compost, recycle, and reuse, you can significantly reduce the waste being produced by your household. I learned that generally one worm bin is enough for two people, so a large family, might need to get creative or possible starting blending their compostables before giving them to the worms.

I mentioned that in Spruce Grove we were lucky enough to have a city compost pick up, but it was also pointed out that although that's great, it takes fuel to truck around picking up all the compost bins. Valid point. Also that you never know what your neighbour is throwing in their compost bin. If you have your own worm bin, you know exactly what goes into it. And what comes out of it is amazingly rich and nutritious soil.

I feel like there is also some spiritual benefits of physically dealing with the worms. It forces you to get up close and personal with what your soil is made out of and teaches you an appreciation for what a huge impact such a small creature can make. I've really been enjoying this process.

I took a course on composting with worms, and I'd say so far I've only really been mildly successful. My worms haven't died, but they're not flourishing. But, I'm still learning, so hopefully with time, I'll be able to expand my small worm bin into two.

Ego

I was reading a book this week and there was a line in it that really stuck with me. There are four phrases that lead to wisdom: "I'm sorry. I was wrong. I need help. I don't know."

We've had a lot of lessons recently on the importance of setting aside our egos when it comes to learning. It's easy to think to myself that I approach my learning with an open mind, but I know if I am honest with myself, that's not always true.

At the beginning of each class as I step onto the mats, I've been thinking to myself, "I am an empty vessel." This has really been helping me to get into the right mental state to learn and absorb new lessons. I've always been a fan of learning through teaching. I love questions that challenge my knowledge and make me analyze the intricacies of the things I'm doing. It's very easy to become complacent and assume that I am doing something right when in fact, I am wrong. I am learning to say things like, "I don't know", but have also been gaining a lot of confidence in answering questions that I feel I do know the answers to. Hopefully with this perspective, I will get the most out of the opportunities I have ahead of me.

Goals

I thought since this Sunday I will be busy with a lot of family stuff, I'd start my long weekend off right.

I had a moment last night. A very important mental breakthrough for me. It wasn't about my flow as Sifu Brinker was trying to show us all, it was about my goals and what they mean to me.

For the last two years on the team, I had meditation as a goal. The first year, I had number of minutes, and this year I just tried for meditation every day. No matter the quantity. And for the last two years I've struggled with this goal. I have a hard time incorporating it into my day and I would say mostly it's because I let myself get too distracted and I'm not prioritizing it.

 I had so many reasons as to why I wanted meditation as a goal. It would help me manage stress (very important for auto-immune diseases), help me sleep better, keep me in a healthy mental state. I forgot one very important reason though. The most important reason for me and the easiest way for me to motivate myself to be disciplined. I really love meditation. I really like sitting still, somewhere quiet and preferably dimly lit, and just letting go while I focus on my breath. It's been a long time since I've sat and meditated and not felt distracted.

All of those other things are important benefits that meditation can have, but they don't motivate as much as just practicing something that I enjoy. I small shift in perspective.

The Omnivore's Dilemma

I finished reading this book actually quite a while ago but I've been continuing to process it for quite some time. I'm a big fan of the author Michael Pollan. He's written a few books I've read and he's done some interviews and made a couple of videos on how important our relationship with food is.

The Omnivore's Dilemma is the idea that because humans, as omnivores, eat so many types of food, and we have access to transportation and food preservation techniques. It causes the question of, what we are going to eat, into a dilemma.

There are four different chapters traving four different types of food chains. The first; the industrial food chain. Subsidized crops, feed lots and fast food are primarily what this chapter is about, and I know it caused some controversy, but I found it very disturbing. The second is the industrial organic food chain. Although the organic market is much more regulated and there have been studies that show it's more nutritious, there are still some big questions to ask about this method. Mono culture and lots of fossil fuels used for transportation following this food chain makes you question it's sustainability. The third chapter is about a polyface, multispecies meat farm that believes in local farming and producing smaller quanitity for a better quality of life for their animals. The last chapter is a chapter all about hunting and foraging and how to produce all of your own food from the wild. An unrealistic approach for most. The over population of the earth would make it pretty impossible for us to all live from foraging in the wild.

I guess the thing that gets me the most about this book is that it asked big questions caused quite a bit of internal debate. How do I feel about eating meat and why? Where does guilt come from? Do I have a food culture and what is it? Do I appreciate what I have access to? Can I continue to support the fast food industry the way it operates currently? We've talked about mindful eating in the meetings in the past, and having food chains traced back to the beginning really makes you think about where your food comes from and what it has gone through to get to you. It made me shop more mindfully, and eat more mindfully.

"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." - Michael Pollan

https://www.ted.com/talks/michael_pollan_gives_a_plant_s_eye_view

New Lessons

In black belt class on Thursday we learned a new form. It was so cool. Something I'd never been exposed to before. Dragon form part 1. While working with Sifu Hayes he gave a chuckle and said to me, "you really like to break things down into fine details don't you?".. I didn't think about it too much at the time, but since then I've been reflecting a lot on the progress I've made in the past year and a half.

I have discovered the greatest gift that GBS has given me. I love kung fu. I'm fascinated by it. I get excited every time I think of all the things I don't know yet, of all the things I've already learned, and about how to pass on those lessons.

When I first came back to class I had to learn through watching. I couldn't do, some things I still can't do, and so it taught me to watch everyone very closely. I had to learn to break things down while I watched. I spent my time analyzing every body movement that I was seeing.

Then once I could practice a little, I had to relearn everything. Sifu Brinker has brought up often what an opportunity this is for me. To already have the knowledge and eye for detail of a black belt, but to physically retrain myself all over again. I didn't understand this until recently. It's easy to get wrapped up in everything that's going on physically. I never realized all of the new things I was learning. Don't get me wrong, there's definitely a lot of muscle memory, but I really had to think of how my body was moving. I had to watch and try to figure out how to make my body do what everyone else's was doing.

This has really given me a much better ability to break down movements. I can spend a whole evening working on a form and just focusing on my wrists. I watched the blue/brown class doing Hung I and I've been preoccupied with it's simplicity for a couple of weeks now. Analyzing how I'm moving, what I've been missing and how I can start to make improvements. I'm really excited.

Like I said at the meeting, I have to be creative sometimes to keep myself motivated, but I've been learning so much from everyone around me that I just can't help but be pretty darn pumped about it right now.

Lots of Talk About Acts of Kindness

Watching Mr. McKee's posts about acts of kindness has reminded me to be kind. I don't consider myself unkind, but I have a tendency to hurry through my life forgetting the small things that can make a big difference. 

I am very fortunate to work for my parents. It's great because everyone has known me for years, and so they are very understanding when I need to lay down for 20 minutes to take a rest. I work as a purchaser, making sure everyone has the supplies that they need for hazardous materials removal. As such, I have the opportunity to interact with a lot of different people in a day. A lot of the people are sales people that are always trying to convince me that their product is the best for the best price. Although sometimes this can get annoying, I've really been working on being understanding. We all have to make a living somehow, and as long as we have respectful relationships, I'm pretty happy. I made a special effort this week to be patient and courteous, but honest with the reps I deal with. Why I'm not purchasing their products, and what we can do together to make our working relationship better. 

I noticed this also makes a big difference when people are approaching me to buy, for example, girl guide cookies. I don't want or need girl guide cookies since I can't eat them (food allergies), but rather than trying to avoid their questions, I have started to just look them straight in the eye, smile, and say no thank you.. I feel less guilty for not supporting their cause, and I think it makes them feel better because I've taken the time to recognize the value in what they're doing. It's no different when I'm working to raise money for our own causes. I just need to keep that in mind for the future. It's a small change, but it feels big. 

The Joys of Aging

This week has been an interesting one. Straight off the plane I started feeling sick and was ridiculously nauseous. The first day I thought I might have the flu, but by the second day, I realized that there was something else going on. I went into the doctor and was told I had a major buildup of fluid in my ears. This is not the first time this has happened to me, but fortunately this time, my eardrum didn't burst. So I've been pretty laid up. Until Friday I was mostly useless although I tried my best to hold it together at classes since I told Sifu Freitag I would be there.

I had the wonderful experience today of celebrating my mom's birthday. As a kid, I remember that everything at home seemed like a chore, but as an adult I'm lucky to have outgrown that perspective and had a wonderful time cooking what turned out to be a great meal for my parents. There was some experimentation  but all went fairly well.

Reflecting on how much I enjoyed making and sharing the meal, I've decided that aging is great. I wish I had the perspective I have now when I was young. Not that I didn't have some spectacular moments in my youth, but I wish I could have appreciated them more. Living in the moment has become something that through the process of the I Ho Chuan I've sort of adapted to. I've never had this necessarily as the forefront of my goals, but I think through pursuing mastery, I've been drawn into this practice.

It makes me appreciate so much more, all of the things I have, and all of the things I can look forward to.

Homecoming

This blog is going to be short.  I've had a great holiday, but I am looking forward to getting back to class and having a bit more routine in my life.  I know how easy it is to let everything go, but I never feel as fulfilled as when I'm working towards my goals.  I've missed my sister, and I'm looking forward to a day when hopefully we'll be able to see each other more frequently again.  I'm so thankful to have the wonderful family that I do, and I'm feeling very revitalized.  See you all back at the kwoon.

Roatan

This will probably be a short one. I've been using my time on this holiday to meditate on the beauty of a place like this. It's nice sometimes to have a change of scenery to remind you how very lucky you are to be alive. I've had some time to discuss China and go over some of the forms I learned in China with Brandi and Simon. It feels so right to be hanging with my sister. Again, I am reminded of how much I miss her, but also how lucky I am to have someone that I have such a strong bond with. There is nothing in the world like the relationship we share. 

Roatan is not exactly what I was expecting, as I've never been to central or South America. But the people here are very friendly and helpful and it's nice to be in a place that feels so different, but so welcoming at the same time. I know I won't be able to afford another holiday like this for quite some time, so I've made up my mind to be fully present and savour this time with my family.

It's hard to keep much of a routine here, as I hardly know the time each day, but I've been getting a little bit of practice in. As always I look forward to being back home and getting back into the groove of things.

Carbon Offsets

So, as you know one of my requirements this year is that I am going to write one blog every month about ways I am trying to reduce my environmental impact. I don't guarantee that they will all be successful, nor do I claim to be a scientist, but I have been doing a lot of research this month on air travel and it's negative effects on the environment.

My family and I are going on a vacation to an island called Roatan off the coast of Honduras. We're all very excited, although this will be our last big trip for quite some time, I've decided to just let everything go, and enjoy this exciting trip with my family.

I've heard a lot over the years about the impact of air travel on our environment. I'm not going to go too much into the science of flight, and why it impacts our environment so much more than say, driving, but I am going to share a link to the article that inspired me. I've purchased carbon offsets for this flight for myself and Dan. Although I don't have a lot of disposable income at the moment, I decided I wanted my flight to be more of a reflection of the true cost to our environment. I had no idea what carbon offsets even were before a couple of months ago. Sure, I'd heard the two words put together, but in my mind they held no meaning. Fortunately, David Suzuki comes to my rescue once again.

It took a lot more research than I thought to make a conscious purchase. I wanted to carbon offset to go to a company that is dedicated to change and not just someone looking to make money off of something different. There are a lot of different carbon offset programs and they're held to different standards, so it took me some time to decide where I wanted my money to go. Unfortunately, the only Canadian program I could find, I couldn't buy offsets for directly which I found disappointing and ultimately I decided to purchase offsets for the protection and rebuilding of rain forests in South America. There are some fascinating ideas in the works in many places though and I had a fun time learning about them. The only Canadian one I could find was the capture of methane gas from a landfill. I thought that was a super interesting idea, and it's not like we don't create enough trash to fuel the world 10 times over. Anyways, here's the link that started it all. I hope you all get a little something out of this month's project.

http://davidsuzuki.org/what-you-can-do/reduce-your-carbon-footprint/travel-sustainably/

Happy 70

This Saturday was my Grandma Beckett's 70th birthday party. You know, it's amazing to have people in your life that constantly remind you how lucky you are. My dad's mom died when I was two. She had severe rheumatoid arthritis and was taking some trial medicines that eventually caused her liver to fail. I never knew her, but I've heard she was an amazing lady.

My grandpa remarried in 1989. Grandma Bev taught me how to make pickles (one of my favourite foods), she's always called me on my birthday, and when I was sick she came to the hospital at least once a week and gave me Reiki. She's been super supportive throughout my life and she's always introducing me to her friends so that they can all be awed at how awesome I am :) Bev was a massage therapist and started her own very successful massage practice. She only retired last year at 69.

She's an alderman for Leduc and is very involved in their arts community. She's always inviting us to music events at the Maclab theatre and keeping us informed of improvements to their city hall; such as adding solar power. She still makes pickles and I'm amazed by her green thumb. She's always showing me her sweet peas when they're in bloom.

Bev is one of those people that as you get older, inspire you to be a better person. She's just turned 70, and for her 70th birthday she went on a trek to Machu Picchu and to the Galapagos Islands. She did things she never dreamed she would be doing at 70, and she said she's had the grandest adventure of her life so far. I've never seen someone that was excited to be turning 70, but she's been planning for this for years.

We threw her a surprise party that somehow, actually stayed a surprise. She was so excited and kept telling us all how blessed she is. I have to say though, I feel like I'm the lucky one. When I grow up, I'd like to be just like her.

Emotions

I don't know if this post will be very clear. I'm still processing some of what Sifu Brinker was talking to us about in black belt class; the difference between reacting and responding.

I understand the concept, although I'm not sure if I'm responding or reacting sometimes. Usually if I can analyze it afterwards, I can see what my mindset was. He brought up the different brain function and was talking about how the alpha brainwaves are different than the beta that we generally walk around in. He mentioned that martial artists spend more time in Alpha than the average person and he also said something about how Zen masters like Thich Nhat Hanh walk around in Alpha all the time and I got to thinking about emotions and the way I deal with stress.

If I can be in a more alpha state of mind generally, I assume that rather than reacting to stressful situations and confrontation, I would have more ability to choose to respond to those situations. I like to think that I'm pretty cool and collected but I know sometimes I speak too soon, or I can antagonize people unintentionally. Would this mindset give me the power to be more aware and in control of my thoughts and feelings? Would I be able to deal with irrational thoughts before they really get under my skin?

Excuses

Sifu Brinker was talking to us yesterday in the meeting about unexcused absences. Although, I've been working really hard at being compassionate with myself the last couple of years because I do get more tired than I used to. I am physically still weak in a lot of ways, which I am currently working on, but I have been advised to make this process a slow one. So no, I'm not making all of the physical requirements. But some of the requirements I set even though I knew initially, I would not be able to meet them. I guess in a way, they are like a target. Which is the idea. I don't want goals that I can already achieve. How are they goals then? I want goals that I have to work my way up to. Something that I struggle to achieve. Maybe I don't achieve them. But I am consistently improving. I think that's what I am getting at.

But there are still times when I'm making excuses. Excuses for why I'm not going to meditate tonight. Excuses for why I still haven't really improved my calligraphy. Those kinds of excuses. But then I was reminded of this quote I read in a book recently, and it made me question not necessarily missing practices, but the other excuses I make to myself. Throughout the day, every time I brush off something that is important to me.

I've been keeping this in the back of my mind ever since I heard it. I think it will help me on my journey this year.

It's a New Year

This year I have a lot to be excited about. I'm teaching a lot of people forms. That's awesome. I love sharing my knowledge and it's a really great way for me to practice teaching. Teaching something I've never taught before is really difficult. The words that I use to describe movements need to be clear but not too defined. There has to be a small amount of room for adaptation. Everyone moves slightly different, and we all have our limitations. However, I'm going to try to remain as true to the forms as I can. Teaching someone a different style is often more difficult than teaching a beginner, There are so many similarities that it's easy to start to merge things together if you're not careful. Wudang looks like Kempo or vice versa.

I have come up with a blog challenge for myself this year. I'm going to write one blog a month on ways that I am experimenting with to reduce my environmental footprint. Some of the things I have already been researching and experimenting with and I'm hoping that this will not only share some good ideas that I've test run, but make me even more mindful on a daily basis of the decisions I'm making that directly and indirectly effect our environment. There are so many small things we could all be doing to help with this, and I hope to raise some awareness about those things.

Meditation and calligraphy are both still on my list. Although I've been practicing them both still, it's been very inconsistent. And the calligraphy student I started teaching last year lost interest pretty quickly. I have to say it's painstakingly detailed and I haven't come up with a less boring way to teach it. It's the way I learned. I practiced each tiny dot individually before I learned any of the actual strokes. It's an incredibly important detail just how you first make contact between your brush and the paper. It can change the entire look of a stroke. Kind of reminds me of 'Jeet'. I have decided to be a little less ambitious with my meditation. My goal was to meditate a half hour every day last year. But I did it so inconsistently it would maybe be half an hour a week. So now I've decided that even if it's 10 minutes, I need to start doing it daily. Then I can work on increasing my number. Incremental progression.

My forms this year are ambitious though. I am practicing a straight sword form that I've half forgotten. So it will be half relearning, half perfecting. That's cool with me. For my hand form I've chosen BaGua. This is going to prove to e difficult. It requires a lot of balance and smooth movements which are not my forte at the moment. But that's why I chose it. I\m hoping it will help me progress a lot this coming year.

I'm very excited to get to know some of our new teammates, but sad to see some go. But, we can't all be on the team all the time. Just wanted everyone to know how much I've loved this past year of getting to know you all. Last night was amazing. I left feeling tired, but full of gratitude for getting to spend my new years with such a spectacular group of people.

Moving Forward

I'm not great at writing under pressure. Of course I thought I had a big idea for this blog, and I of course, left it for the last minute. I've been more consistent with my blogging the last couple of months, and so I've been trying to get back into the groove of things. I fell off for a while, but I will agree that nothing gets me more mentally engaged than writing. Mentally or physically. 

I had a great chat on the phone today with a friend of mine from Scotland. It was a reminder again of (a) how lucky I am to be here and (b) of how lucky I was to spend five years in China. I loved the training, I made some great friends and had awesome classmates.

The friends I made in China aren't like a lot of other friends. They're my brothers and sisters now. We lived together for 5 years. We cried together when we all graduated. And we all decided to dedicate ourselves to our training. But in a lot of ways, we are so different. We live in different countries, we have different goals. Our lives are moving in different directions. 

I am fortunate that I came home and had an amazing tool handed to me that I could use to continue on this path I've set out on. It is not such an easy adjustment back to the "real world" where you have to make money and pay bills and do maintenance on your car and so many things that are dismissed as just a part of life. I have a great team of people that constantly help keep me grounded. I am surrounded by people that I watch progress on their own and inspire me to keep working hard. The year of the monkey has been difficult, but I feel so much stronger and I've learned so much. I wouldn't give it back for anything.  

Past Masters

After hearing about Master Hilbig, I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with Sifu Brinker and the rest of the Sifus who have made me what I am today. Do I show them enough appreciation? Do they know how much their guidance has meant to me over the years? I have spent the entire night/day thinking and reflecting about who my mentors are and what they mean to me.

I am not great with emotion. Especially since I had my encounter with GBS. I am easily brought to tears. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of the time and effort all of my teachers have invested in me. It is no small feat to have inspired others to follow such an arduous path. But I can't imagine my life without kung fu. It would leave me feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied, and a gaping hole where once was a lifelong pursuit. I just  hope that my continued dedication gives them back at least as much as they have given me.