This week was my last week of therapy at the Glenrose. Although I'm happy in some ways that I've 'graduated', I'm also sad. The conflicting emotions when I analyze them make sense but, analysis doesn't always make everything clear.
A friend of mine from the Glenrose, shared her memory on Facebook today of sitting up for the first time on the edge of her hospital bed. I was reminded of the first time I sat up. I was hysterical, hyperventilating, crying, and convinced that I was going to somehow have my world come crashing down at that precise moment. Working up from there to sitting by myself for 5 seconds, 10 seconds, 30 seconds, reminds me of my whole progression in the martial arts.
Incremental progression has been my focus long before I was sick. I've constantly been working to progress more towards the person I want to be some day. There's no specific ideal, but a person of great moral character and leadership that can share some of the things I've learned through my own practice over the years. I know I still have a long way to go. But I'm so grateful for the I Ho Chuan. I have goals that help me work towards the things that I value in my life. It is a constant inspiration to me to see how much hard work each member puts into their own progress and how we can feed off of each others' energy to really accomplish great things. Personally, and in the lives of the people around us. It is an amazing opportunity to be given, and it's something I appreciate more and more each day that I struggle with my own motivation and direction.
Friday 17 June 2016
Friday 10 June 2016
Changes
The past few weeks have been nuts! I sprained my ankle on Sunday. Not a bad one, but annoyingly enough, it's my good ankle. The one that's never been sprained before. I guess it will even me out.
This diet is a test for sure. Or should I call it a lifestyle change? Because it certainly is that. Never before has my day revolved as much around my food as it does now. I spend probably a couple of hours a day cooking and preparing food. The idea to be that I'm healthier. And I feel good. I feel stronger, I have more stamina, but it's hard to say how much of it is my body healing, and how much is food related. I do feel good though. And since I became more mindful of my food as an adult, I've found myself having pangs of guilt every time I had an unhealthy snack. Guilt, no more! I know the foods I'm eating are healthy because I made them. That gives me some control over the things that are going into my body. I was saying just last night... I'd rather change my diet and not have to be afraid of relapse, than to spend my days worrying that I might get caught by GBS again. No way do I want that. I don't have the money at this point to eat a grain and legume free diet. But all in all, things are going pretty darn good.
I've been keeping a daily journal. It's funny, I've tried to keep a journal since I was a teenager. But I've always failed to continue. It goes great for a few days, then I skip one, and it all goes downhill. We all know what that's like. But maybe because my journal is motivated by food, similar to my own brain, I seem to be more interested in what I'm doing. After I write down my food, exercise, and amount of sleep for the day, I reflect briefly. It's always finished by my favourite part, one sentence of gratitude. It reminds me before I lay down to sleep, of all the things I have to be grateful for, just in a single day, sometimes in a single moment. And I think that's a great way to fall asleep.
This diet is a test for sure. Or should I call it a lifestyle change? Because it certainly is that. Never before has my day revolved as much around my food as it does now. I spend probably a couple of hours a day cooking and preparing food. The idea to be that I'm healthier. And I feel good. I feel stronger, I have more stamina, but it's hard to say how much of it is my body healing, and how much is food related. I do feel good though. And since I became more mindful of my food as an adult, I've found myself having pangs of guilt every time I had an unhealthy snack. Guilt, no more! I know the foods I'm eating are healthy because I made them. That gives me some control over the things that are going into my body. I was saying just last night... I'd rather change my diet and not have to be afraid of relapse, than to spend my days worrying that I might get caught by GBS again. No way do I want that. I don't have the money at this point to eat a grain and legume free diet. But all in all, things are going pretty darn good.
I've been keeping a daily journal. It's funny, I've tried to keep a journal since I was a teenager. But I've always failed to continue. It goes great for a few days, then I skip one, and it all goes downhill. We all know what that's like. But maybe because my journal is motivated by food, similar to my own brain, I seem to be more interested in what I'm doing. After I write down my food, exercise, and amount of sleep for the day, I reflect briefly. It's always finished by my favourite part, one sentence of gratitude. It reminds me before I lay down to sleep, of all the things I have to be grateful for, just in a single day, sometimes in a single moment. And I think that's a great way to fall asleep.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)