Practice makes perfect

I've been looking at the goals I set for last year. Oh, it's hard to imagine that there's anything in there that I might actually accomplish by the end of the sheep year, but I realized that I set a lot of similar goals for the year of the monkey since I didn't quite get to participate in a large portion of my sheep year. So it makes it a bit easier. I can just sort of start early. Get ahead of the game per say. Start getting into the habit of doing a lot of the things I got out of the habit of doing while I was laid up in the hospital, or just things I never really got the hang of in the first place. For example, mom and I are now journaling buddies. Every Wednesday we check on each other. See how things are going.

I've also been approached by one of my therapists for a project for the Glenrose Foundation. She asked me if I would be interested in journaling about my experience at the Glenrose for a couple of weeks. Apparently they're finding it difficult to communicate to donors what the Glenrose really does and what is really involved in a person's rehabilitation. I agreed to be a part although there's no guarantee that they'll use any of the things that I write. I thought it might be a good tool for me to practice my writing, particularly about such a difficult and confusing part of my life. Never turn down a good opportunity.

I find myself more tired than before (shocking I know). So it's hard to make myself accomplish the things I want. But I get even more tired when I just lay around watching movies or reading. So there's the rub I suppose. It might take me some time to figure all this new stuff out I guess.

Quantitative Measurements

My physiotherapy this week was awesome. It had been 3weeks since my last therapy because my therapist had taken some time off. We did a few reassessments that hadn't been done yet since my discharge and the results were really exciting for me. 

We did a balance test which, the first time when I arrived at the Glenrose, I scored something like 15 out of 56. Before I was discharged I did the same assessment and scored 35 out of 56. Today I scored 54 out of 56! Talk about improvement. As much as I don't like doing all those assessments it's nice sometimes to have some kind of measurement of my progress. 

One of the most frustrating things is that the advancements that I make are such minute differences from day to day, sometimes it's hard to see. But it reminds me of the progress I've made personally over the past few years with the I Ho Chuan and all of the time I spent in China. If I just looked at my progress on a daily basis the changes are hard to see. It's important to live in the moment, but sometimes it's also really valuable to take a step back and look at where you've come from. Who you used to be. And that's when you really get a fresh perspective. It gives you a way to see how much you've truly changed and grown. 

Truths

I try not to lie. I make a very strong effort to be truthful in my interactions with my friends and family and to not put myself in a position where I feel the need to lie to someone. If I lose touch with a friend because I forgot to respond to an email, or because I was struggling to find words to say, I usually am quite able to admit it honestly.  I have been working on two areas of my life in the past couple of years, and although I've made improvements, I still sometimes lose my way.

One, is if I know someone will be hurt by the truth. I know honesty is generally the best policy, but if it's someone that I really care about I struggle internally with the decision. Sometimes it really just has to be done. Rip the bandaid off so they say. But often I find I try to avoid the subject or talk my way around it trying to come up with ways to soften the blow. Usually the person doesn't appreciate that approach, but it's always this difficult approach for me. I hate hurting people.

The second struggle is myself. I made a goal this year to not lie to myself. That's about when it comes to goal setting and procrastination and also when it comes to my inhhhner motivation and taking a deep look at my actions and my decision making. I've often been the type to take action and think later, and I really wanted to spend some time this year looking at what I wanted to accomplish. Interestingly, things as we all know, didn't really go according to plan. But it has left me with a lot of things to think about. I just don't know that I ended up any more self aware. Being honest with yourself is sometimes one of the hardest things to do.. And this is totally not what I had started blogging about.. I don't know how I ended up here.