Happy New Years

Well, technically I'm a whole day ahead of most of the people that might read this blog. But Happy New Year to you all anyways.

I've set some goals for this year. I'll be honest, in the past I've been terrible with follow through of any of the goals I set. I always start out strong and somewhere just start to lose momentum. I'm sure so many of us have experience this. I just have set myself so many times in the past to be disappointed in myself for failing to commit myself to my goals.

This year is going to be different. I realized that one of the reasons I have such troubles following through with my goals is that I'm self conscious about them. Whether they're about my diet, about my training, or about more personal aspects of my life, I'm always concerned that if I tell someone about my goals that they'll laugh at them, or tell me that my goals are unattainable.

But during this break I had a lot of free time. And although I didn't always spend the time studying like I should have, or practicing as much as I should, I spent a lot of time thinking about the way I interact with people around me.

I've decided that if I tell someone my goals and they laugh, let them. The majority of people that I meet are stuck where they are, and have no desire to change. And I know I don't want to live my life like that, so why should I care if they laugh at me. I also know myself and what I'm capable of better than anyone else does. So if they think my goals are unattainable, it just proves that they've underestimated me.

The Artist

Every person practicing martial arts will eventually reach the point where they're not learning something 'new'.

We've spent the past 4 years working on forms. In four years we've learned 28 forms (roughly). When I sat down and actually counted the numbers I realized how insane that is. I can't imagine where we fit all that in. Now we're at the point where we're spending our time reviewing, repeating and going through our forms individually thinking about each movement. This is the point where you really start to see a martial artist, rather than just a student.

This part is really exciting for me, because it's given me an opportunity to go through my forms in depth, working on parts I've struggled with, and applying all the lessons I've learned in my time here. There's so many facets to every form that I feel like I could work on them forever and never truly master anything. This is where I really start to feel my creative expression. Playing with the movements and making them my own.

I know many people that find this kind of practice monotonous and boring. They feel as if they're not learning something new, they're not improving. There are many things that can be learned from repetition. An artist can spend a lifetime perfecting their masterpiece. To really become an artist requires remarkable discipline, dedication and patience. These are the qualities that I am cultivating now.

"The accomplishments of master artists are stupendous, the result of fearsome diligence, vision, hard-earned skill, profound understanding of their discipline, and an extra dash of something we might call genius." ~ Eric Booth

Amy Poehler's Smart Girls at the Party

I've been in the process of writing this post about training, but it's not finished and I've been inspired by something else.

So I'm sure that I'm a lot older than the target audience for this website, but I just randomly came across this site today and I got really excited about it.

This is a website targeted to young women, to inspire them to be themselves, and pursue their passions. Whatever that may be. So cool.

http://sgatp.net/smart-girls-at-the-party/

Gratitude

I've been thinking this week about all the things in my life here that make me grateful. This has been a hard week. Lots of long hot days. So these are 10 things that helped me this week.

1) Skype - so I can talk to my parents every week.
2) Jasmine - a friend here that really helps me keep life in perspective.
3) My kung fu brothers - I never had a brother, now I have 10.
4) Mangoes - I love eating messy fruit and having the juice run all over my hands. It feels barbaric, and totally awesome.
5) Cold water - on a really hot day, nothing quenches the thirst better, or feels more refreshing in the shower.
6) Chocolate - this is something that I'm grateful for pretty much every day.
7) Facebook - helps me feel like I'm still a part of my friends' and family's life.
8) Sunscreen - to keep me from baking (literally) out in the sun
9) My guitar - love to just sit, play, and sing.
10) Tulsi a.k.a Holy Basil - an Indian herb that helps me get through the roughest days, and makes me feel like I'm not actually losing my mind.

"When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude." ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

Acts of Kindness

I was reading lists of people's daily acts of kindness. Sometimes the smallest act, can really change the way someone is feeling, and in turn, may encourage them to do something kind for someone else. This is a very basic principle, most of us have heard this before.

One of the greatest things about living here is that I can spend so much time every day cultivating my body, my spirit, and my emotions. I feel as though I've really begun to know who I am. But also while being here, I've made so many friends, and met so many amazing people.

I feel as though I've become a bit jaded, a bit cynical, while living in China, and it really bothers me. I'm sure this happens to many people as they get older. I know it's due to experience, but lately I've been forgetting to focus on all the great things going on around me. There's plenty to be thankful for. I've been so busy thinking of ways to improve my body, that I've forgotten that I'm also here to cultivate my character. In some ways, it's really difficult to put so much effort into relationships with all the people around me. But it's amazingly rewarding, if I just open my heart and remember.

"The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear" ~Daniel Defoe

Encouragement From a Young Woman

As I was reading the blog of a friend of mine, I realized why I like to follow her. She doesn't write much, and we don't keep in close touch, but I find her very inspiring. You know the funny thing is, that we're very different people, going through very different things at this point in our lives. But I guess that's one of the reasons I find it so exciting to read what's going on in her life. I often try to remember what I was like through different stages in my life. I find that looking back can sometimes help me move forwards.

We had a group of German tourists come through the temple a couple of months ago, and after we got past all the regular conversation pieces (where are you from, what are you doing here, etc.) they asked me some really great questions. Questions that I've never had a tourist ask me before. "Do you feel different than before you came here?" I answered very candidly that I couldn't possibly compare the person I was 5 years ago to the person I am now. And I really believe this to be true. When I think back to myself at 23, I look back at a totally different person than I am today, and it really encourages me.

This is why my friend is so inspiring. She's in grade 9, and she's awesome. So when I think about the person she might be when she's my age, or even by the time she reaches 20, it gives me something to look forward to. Some hope for her future, and my own.

Daring Greatly

     "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
   ~Theodore Roosevelt

I had never heard this quote, until I watched a lecture on TED talks. Something the speaker said really made me think about the way I think about myself, and to myself. She said, "It's seductive to stand outside the arena and think to myself I'm gonna go in there and kick some ass, when I'm bullet proof, and when I'm perfect. But the truth is, that never happens."

I was thinking about how this applies to my training. How could I ever improve, if I never tried because I was afraid of failure. I think about some of the people I know from home, and also some of the people I've met here, and how much they hold themselves back because they're afraid. And also how often I've held myself back for the same reasons. It was a great talk, I'm posting the link.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Euphoric Exhuastion

This has been a pretty tough week for me. You know when you get that feeling after training to your maximum, where you're completely exhausted, but once it's over you can swear you feel amazing. I'm sure there are people out there that have never experience this, but to them, all I can say is that you don't know what you're missing. I've realized since being here how far I can push myself. There's sometimes I'm sure I couldn't do another thing, and then Shifu shows up and he's like practice this form 10 times and I swear I'm gonna die. But  I don't. Thankfully.

There's something to be said for being too tired to even think about stuff. I'm a thinker, you know my brain's constantly running through ideas of some kind, and I generally struggle to turn that part of me off. But not today. Today I can just bask in the glory of complete and utter collapse. This post might have a few run-on sentences, but try to give me a break. I'm beat.

A Summary

It's been ages since my last post, and as I was explaining to my mom this morning, once I miss this much time it's so hard to start writing again because it seems like so much and so little has happened all at the same time. So I decided to write a few notes on the things I've been doing or feeling etc.

I turned 28. That number sounds crazy to me, because I still feel like I'm 20 years old. I spent the night in a hotel on the mountain and got up at 3am to start walking up the mountain to be there in time for sunrise. I am usually up for the sunrise here anyways. but being as we're in the mountains I don't generally get to see much. It was an amazing experience, although I don't think I've ever been so cold and so sweaty all at the same time.

We're almost finished learning the dadao form, which is crazy because that pretty much completes the list of forms outside of the internal qi gongs. I don't know what's coming next which makes me apprehensive and excited at the same time.

I touched my head to my foot for the first time this week. I had an interesting realization in regards to my stretching since I've been back from break. I didn't know before how hard I should or could be stretching. It's a balance between pushing yourself and hurting yourself. I now know that my threshold is much farther than I thought and my stretching has really been dramatically improving for the first time in 3 years. No one could have told this to me, it was something I had to work out for myself.

On a totally non-kungfu related note. I started taking kind of 'hip-hop' dancing lessons from another student here. It's been really fun. Looking forward to learning some more moves today.

Ankle Injury #4

This Monday I twisted my ankle again. Since I sprained it the first time December 2011, this has been a recurring injury for me. I know that anyone who dedicates themselves to some kind of physical activity is familiar with this kind of setback. It's really difficult to not let oneself become discouraged.

In the time that I've been practicing here I've really developed a deeper sense of my physical body. I've noticed this in many of my classmates as well. There's a distinct fascination of the inner workings of our bodies. I have a cousin who works as a physiotherapist and it seems like every time I go home I just have a million more questions for her. You know, "I keep injuring myself here, but I feel like it's because I'm stiff there. Does that make any sense?" Or another good one is, "I can't move my *insert body part* fully in this direction, what stretches can I do?"

I feel like there's an endless amount of discoveries to be made. Which I guess is one of the reasons I've made the decision to really pursue training full time. These are the kinds of developments that keep my training interesting. Let's all be honest, doing kicks, the same kicks, in the same order, at the same time, 5.5 days a week, can definitely become tedious. But making these new discoveries about my body, or having strange epiphanies about stretching, or about my forms, makes each day a new adventure. These are the things I try to remember when I wake up each day to keep myself motivated.

If someone were to record my life for a week, it would outwardly appear that I live a life of boring routine. Get up, eat meals, go to classes, meditate and go to sleep, at the same time. But it's those moments of self discovery, that keep me inspired.

Tai Ji

So today we finished Tai Ji 13, which completes our learning of Wudang Tai Ji. After we finished learning and working on the new movements, our Shifu called us together for him to expound some of his wisdom to us.

We talk alot about cultivating our health here, for most people it's their sole reason for travelling to this school. Over the years we've had numerous lectures about our immune systems and organ funciton. In TCM weaknesses in your immune system comes back to your organ function. Master Yuan believes strongly that your emotions affect your organs greatly. For example, someone who has problems with anger, might also have weakness in their liver. This is a simplified description so I can get to my point a little quicker.

He talked about what he calls 'playing with your emotions' while practicing Tai Ji. So instead of focusing on the external details while training Tai ji (posture, breathing etc.), we practiced Tai Ji while he walked around a watched us, told us to 'play' and smile a little bit. It sounds strange, but after practicing like this, I really felt different. I felt lighter and more energetic.

He told us to imagine incense in our dantian. The smoke dissipates like your emotions, but inside there's still a fire. He expressed after every time you practice Tai Ji, you should feel like a new person. Every morning when you wake up and practice Tai Ji, let go of everything inside. Those things aren't you anymore because today when you approach the world, you're embarking on it as a new person.

On A Different Path

I've shared this experience with many of my classmates over the past few years. You have this one month a year where you get to go home, and during this time, you make an effort to see all your family and old friends. There's a certain something that you really want to hold onto, even with friends you never hear from for an entire year. Now the strangest thing about this desire to see these people is that it seems to affirm every time more and more how much you're on different paths.

So many of my friends are getting married, having kids, advancing in their careers. Not everyone of course. It seems like so often when my friends ask that typical question of something along the lines of say "what's the training like there?" I give the same easy answer over and over because I don't really know how to express what it's like. I can tell everyone what my schedule is like repeatedly, and I can talk about the food, or my classmates, but I often wonder if I give off the impression that I don't want to talk about it, or that I'm not passionate about what I'm doing. It just seems impossible to try and sum up a year's worth of training.

I could list all of the forms that I've learned, or the competitions I've done, or some kind of stretching achievements, but most of that would mean little to the average person. How could I explain how much I've learned from dealing with the frustrations of injuries, or how getting through the monotony of each day has made me learn so much about my personal character. How much I've learned about dealing with my training partners. These things that seem so important to me have no physical manifestations that are simple and easy to share.

In so many ways I can't wait to come home but I also imagine it will be a difficult transition.

Almost March

It was fairly uneventful as all things go, but at the same time a lot of things happened. I guess that's one of the reasons I find blogging such a struggle is because I need some kind of starting point. We finished learning Ba Xian Jian (eight immortals sword) this week, which is exciting because I am curious to find out what will be next. I assume we won't be starting anything right away, we all need some time to absorb everything we've learned in the past few weeks. So this next week will probably be spent with a lot of review of the rest of our forms that we haven't drilled yet.

My body isn't too destroyed yet. This year while I was home, I brought back maybe one of the smartest things ever. A FOAM ROLLER! Yep, it's totally amazing, I didn't even know what I was missing. I am blessed with a family full of healers, and I have taken their suggestions to heart. Hopefully by the time 6 months has gone, my knee won't be excruciating, and I will have been able to keep the shin splints at bay. I have high hopes for my future here. *insert crazy cackle*

A few deep breaths

Since we had four days off for Chinese New Year, this week was a long one. Eight days later and I'm so physically exhausted walking up the stairs is an ordeal. I had a very productive week though and feel like I made some serious inroads into working through my forms. Shifu was away for a few days which gave us all some free time to work on our own.

I really noticed when I was training for the tournament in Huang Shan last year, how many movements from my forms get kind of glossed over while training in the group. I see the benefit in training as a group, it pushes you to work on your speed, and really keeps up the intensity of your training when you're just pushed along with the group drilling form after form. But I have also noticed, that over time, some small details get lost in the drive.

So I really tried to take advantage of my independence this week and go through the movements of each form consciously, thinking about the details in the arm motions and the timing of my stepping. I noticed that generally the forms that I'm more confident in, I have clearer understanding of my body and the coordination of my movements, whereas the forms that I feel less confident with, the more blurred my movements are. This gave me a great perspective on the forms I need to work on the most and where I'm most lacking in my training. All in all, great week.

Back at it!

Well, this is day 3 back to training. I'm sore. Every year I try to mentally prepare myself for this level of pain, but really it's not possible. There's just no way to smoothly transition from moderate activity to extreme amount of exercise in the allotted time. Which is pretty much none. The rule is once you're back from break you have to attend all classes.

This break was amazing. I've really learned to appreciate the comforts of home. Having friends and family that I can call on at any moment. The warmth and comfort of home. The food. Silent River. I know I have a somewhat skewed perspective considering I don't work while I'm home. But I've even learned to appreciate all of my free time. It sometimes seems like there's so many hours in a day that I can do anything I want to.

I'm looking forward to moving back home. Not because I don't love the training, but I'm just tired of China. I know lots of people that love it here, but I prefer a quieter life. One things for sure, it will be nice to not live in the same room as my sister for a while. Hahaha....

Life Lessons

Last night I had coffee with a friend of mine I haven't seen for about 3 years. I had a great time, lots of laughs, and from both of us, lots of story telling. At one point he asked me, "Mel, what is the most profound lesson that you've learned in China?". This huge question put a very abrupt stop to conversation as I stopped to think about the question. As I struggled to come up with an answer I realized how many things I've learned since deciding to spend about 1/5th of my present years in Wudang.

I had to sort through a bunch of answers. I've learned to let other people lead me sometimes (I'm a bit stubborn when it comes to my independence), I've learned that I love to push my own limits, and I've also learned to not let people get to me so easily (I have a bit of a temper at times).

But the most life changing thing for me was the realization that to be happy, I had to consciously choose happiness. I've recognized that life for me was never just going to magically start to feel better. I mean I've never been particularly unhappy, but I struggle through things just like everyone else. But consciously deciding to take a positive outlook on most situations has really changed the way I live, and how I feel every day.