Beginnings of the sheep

I didn't post last week. As I'm sure you can imagine, my head was a mess and I just didn't know where to start. I'm writing this blog on my phone, in bed sick. Yep that's my post-banquet glow. Almost immediately after it was over, I crashed. Had a fever all night, and today I'm just going to rest. Gotta make sure I get rid of all that emotional stuff so I guess I'm just going to sweat it out. You know when you've been working really hard non-stop and then all of a sudden you have time for a breather, that's when I normally get sick.




Saturday was an amazing day for me. Between helping with the setup, and getting a chance to spend some time with some of my team members (horse and sheep) I really couldn't have had more fun. The lion dance and demos were nearly flawless, and hopefully most people didn't even notice the mistakes.




The part I was most anxious about was my speech. I don't talk about my feelings well, or often enough, and I was so afraid that I wouldn't make it through. But it went well, I mostly held it together. Up until Sifu Tymchuk's speech anyways. And luckily by that point all eyes were on him..




Everyone has been so incredibly supportive of me in these last months and you all have no idea how meaningful it was for me to have you all there for my promotion. Thank you to everyone that volunteered any of their time or efforts into making the banquet happen. It was spectacular!

The Year of the Horse

This was my first year as a member of the I Ho Chuan, but it was also the end of my five years in China strictly dedicated to kung fu and my own personal development. I didn't realize what I was undertaking when I agreed to be part of the I Ho Chuan team, but really it couldn't have come at a better time for me. It took me a while to really get into the swing of things, but I achieved I'd say about 60% of my goals and I'm happy with the progress that I made.

The biggest thing I learned this year wasn't actually related to my goals directly, but was a result of having the goals and keeping track of my progress. This year was a difficult year for me. There was a lot of disappointment with the way the program ended, and some pretty bad feelings left between our Master and some of my fellow students.

This year he had basically left us on our own, and I had to figure out ways to keep myself motivated to practice, without any external discipline or motivation. I've always been pretty self disciplined. I go to practice on time of my own accord. I don't need someone to wake me up, even if I'm getting up a 440am. And when I get free time to practice, I try to take advantage of it as much as possible. But when you've learned all the curriculum that you're master is willing to teach, and there's no one there driving you, it's time to pull up your big girl pants and get down to it.

This was one of my biggest personal successes. I was one of the class members who still consistently went to training. I still worked on my basics daily. And I still meditated. I spent a lot of time practicing my Tai Ji and I kept up with my pushups and situps, and all of my other physical goals. Outside of class, I took on extra lessons from my calligraphy teacher and had some free one on one lessons with a guitar teacher. Having these goals kept me engaged even when most  of the rest of my classmates were left floundering. It helped me find my own internal inspiration and motivation for practice.

Coming home was a really tough transition, trying to figure out where my Kung Fu fit into my life in Canada. But heading back to the kwoon, and having the opportunity to read people's blogs, and talk with people who have read mine too. It was like just fitting back into the family. I'm not fully there yet, but I'm close, and I can't imagine how my training would be progressing (or not) if I didn't have such a positive, like minded group to come back to. I can't wait for the Year of the Sheep.

Justification

Sifu Brinker said something to me the other day that really made me think about how I approach my daily requirements, and some of the obligations in my life. 

He said that he didn't believe that there were truly evil people in the world, there were just people who managed to justify the things that they do, and choices that they make. It made me think about how many times a day I try to justify my actions, or reactions, in different situations. 

For example, I can justify the fact that I didn't do any pushups yesterday, but telling myself that it's okay because I donated my pushup time to doing a lion dance for the benevolent foundation. But where is the truth in that? I did donate my time, but is that the true reason that I didn't finish my requirements? No. It's not. I can justify poor diet choices by saying it's because I'm busy. Not good enough. 

I make a daily effort to be honest with myself. No rose coloured glasses involved in my introspection. I don't always achieve that, but I'm not always consciously making the choice to lie to myself. I have to take in to consideration all of the times I've lied to myself in the past 29 years of my life and start to become aware of negative patterns. I can catch myself justifying the choices that I make throughout my day, and really think about the things that I'm trying to achieve. On my path to mastery, I need to be consistent and compassionate with myself. Correcting my mind is my biggest battle, but I'm winning it, one thought at a time.