Almost March

It was fairly uneventful as all things go, but at the same time a lot of things happened. I guess that's one of the reasons I find blogging such a struggle is because I need some kind of starting point. We finished learning Ba Xian Jian (eight immortals sword) this week, which is exciting because I am curious to find out what will be next. I assume we won't be starting anything right away, we all need some time to absorb everything we've learned in the past few weeks. So this next week will probably be spent with a lot of review of the rest of our forms that we haven't drilled yet.

My body isn't too destroyed yet. This year while I was home, I brought back maybe one of the smartest things ever. A FOAM ROLLER! Yep, it's totally amazing, I didn't even know what I was missing. I am blessed with a family full of healers, and I have taken their suggestions to heart. Hopefully by the time 6 months has gone, my knee won't be excruciating, and I will have been able to keep the shin splints at bay. I have high hopes for my future here. *insert crazy cackle*

A few deep breaths

Since we had four days off for Chinese New Year, this week was a long one. Eight days later and I'm so physically exhausted walking up the stairs is an ordeal. I had a very productive week though and feel like I made some serious inroads into working through my forms. Shifu was away for a few days which gave us all some free time to work on our own.

I really noticed when I was training for the tournament in Huang Shan last year, how many movements from my forms get kind of glossed over while training in the group. I see the benefit in training as a group, it pushes you to work on your speed, and really keeps up the intensity of your training when you're just pushed along with the group drilling form after form. But I have also noticed, that over time, some small details get lost in the drive.

So I really tried to take advantage of my independence this week and go through the movements of each form consciously, thinking about the details in the arm motions and the timing of my stepping. I noticed that generally the forms that I'm more confident in, I have clearer understanding of my body and the coordination of my movements, whereas the forms that I feel less confident with, the more blurred my movements are. This gave me a great perspective on the forms I need to work on the most and where I'm most lacking in my training. All in all, great week.

Back at it!

Well, this is day 3 back to training. I'm sore. Every year I try to mentally prepare myself for this level of pain, but really it's not possible. There's just no way to smoothly transition from moderate activity to extreme amount of exercise in the allotted time. Which is pretty much none. The rule is once you're back from break you have to attend all classes.

This break was amazing. I've really learned to appreciate the comforts of home. Having friends and family that I can call on at any moment. The warmth and comfort of home. The food. Silent River. I know I have a somewhat skewed perspective considering I don't work while I'm home. But I've even learned to appreciate all of my free time. It sometimes seems like there's so many hours in a day that I can do anything I want to.

I'm looking forward to moving back home. Not because I don't love the training, but I'm just tired of China. I know lots of people that love it here, but I prefer a quieter life. One things for sure, it will be nice to not live in the same room as my sister for a while. Hahaha....

Life Lessons

Last night I had coffee with a friend of mine I haven't seen for about 3 years. I had a great time, lots of laughs, and from both of us, lots of story telling. At one point he asked me, "Mel, what is the most profound lesson that you've learned in China?". This huge question put a very abrupt stop to conversation as I stopped to think about the question. As I struggled to come up with an answer I realized how many things I've learned since deciding to spend about 1/5th of my present years in Wudang.

I had to sort through a bunch of answers. I've learned to let other people lead me sometimes (I'm a bit stubborn when it comes to my independence), I've learned that I love to push my own limits, and I've also learned to not let people get to me so easily (I have a bit of a temper at times).

But the most life changing thing for me was the realization that to be happy, I had to consciously choose happiness. I've recognized that life for me was never just going to magically start to feel better. I mean I've never been particularly unhappy, but I struggle through things just like everyone else. But consciously deciding to take a positive outlook on most situations has really changed the way I live, and how I feel every day.

A Blog About Blogging

I can't think of anything to write about. I've been struggling so much lately putting my thoughts into words. I'm not sure if it's because I'm distracted. I don't feel distracted but I don't feel like I can express my thoughts clearly and concisely.

It's frustrating! I've never been a very regular blogger, but I always felt like when I wrote a post, there was some kind of point to it, but I have started and saved so many blogs in the last few months and about halfway through each one of them, I get to a point where I start to ask myself, "what am I even talking about here?". I'm hitting the same point about now, but I've decided if I never finish another blog I might as well just close this stupid account.

One of the reasons I haven't chosen to do that is because I think I'm better at writing thoughts than saying them, and if I'm ever going to be an instructor, I'm going to need tools to help me hone these skills. The problem being that if I don't use the tools, then they're useless anyways. I'm going to have to come up with some kind of way to make myself accountable to my journalling. I know I can do it, I just need to put in the effort. *sigh*

Beginning the Fourth Year

September 1st was the end of our third year so I've been looking back at the time I've spent here, an thinking about all the changes that  I've made (intentional or otherwise).

Physically, if you're training every day for 8 hours, there's just naturally going to be physical changes. A person wouldn't even have to try very hard to improve their strength and stamina. If a person has self discipline, this is a great place to immerse yourself in kung fu.

Mentally, the changes that my training here have precipitated, are too many to count. My emotional being has changed so completely. I have a much better understanding of myself, and the things that make me tick. I know what motivates me, I know what depresses me, I know what angers me and I know what calms me down, and through all of this knowledge I have really started to learn to control my emotions and my thoughts. I say that I have started to learn, because I believe that this will be a lifelong adventure. The world will continue to throw new situations and new people in my direction, and I will have to learn to adapt which in turn, will cause another step in my evolution as a human being.

Five years is the longest commitment I've made in my life. I've never gone to college or university, and I've never worked at one job for more than a couple of years. I love kung fu, and I love how I am able to spend so much of my time cultivating myself. Most people never see this opportunity, and I hope that I can continue to progress and learn more about myself in my remaining time here.

The Future

I'm not sure what it is lately, maybe the fact that we're coming up on the three year mark here in China, but it seems that lately, many people have been asking me about my future plans. I don't generally like to think too much about my future back in Canada. Not only does it tend to distract me from my current training, but it usually makes me quite homesick.

I know I want to open a school. I don't know where, when or how. Although, I do have some ideas as to the curriculum, and how I want it to be set up, and what kind of students I want to attract. Still, I try to not get lost in my ideas and create visions of grandeur. I know opening a school is going to be difficult. I also know that it is not going to make me money right away. I do believe however, that after I have finished my time here, I will have a lot to offer people. I just have to demonstrate the confidence in myself to convince others.