A Blog About Blogging

I can't think of anything to write about. I've been struggling so much lately putting my thoughts into words. I'm not sure if it's because I'm distracted. I don't feel distracted but I don't feel like I can express my thoughts clearly and concisely.

It's frustrating! I've never been a very regular blogger, but I always felt like when I wrote a post, there was some kind of point to it, but I have started and saved so many blogs in the last few months and about halfway through each one of them, I get to a point where I start to ask myself, "what am I even talking about here?". I'm hitting the same point about now, but I've decided if I never finish another blog I might as well just close this stupid account.

One of the reasons I haven't chosen to do that is because I think I'm better at writing thoughts than saying them, and if I'm ever going to be an instructor, I'm going to need tools to help me hone these skills. The problem being that if I don't use the tools, then they're useless anyways. I'm going to have to come up with some kind of way to make myself accountable to my journalling. I know I can do it, I just need to put in the effort. *sigh*

Beginning the Fourth Year

September 1st was the end of our third year so I've been looking back at the time I've spent here, an thinking about all the changes that  I've made (intentional or otherwise).

Physically, if you're training every day for 8 hours, there's just naturally going to be physical changes. A person wouldn't even have to try very hard to improve their strength and stamina. If a person has self discipline, this is a great place to immerse yourself in kung fu.

Mentally, the changes that my training here have precipitated, are too many to count. My emotional being has changed so completely. I have a much better understanding of myself, and the things that make me tick. I know what motivates me, I know what depresses me, I know what angers me and I know what calms me down, and through all of this knowledge I have really started to learn to control my emotions and my thoughts. I say that I have started to learn, because I believe that this will be a lifelong adventure. The world will continue to throw new situations and new people in my direction, and I will have to learn to adapt which in turn, will cause another step in my evolution as a human being.

Five years is the longest commitment I've made in my life. I've never gone to college or university, and I've never worked at one job for more than a couple of years. I love kung fu, and I love how I am able to spend so much of my time cultivating myself. Most people never see this opportunity, and I hope that I can continue to progress and learn more about myself in my remaining time here.

The Future

I'm not sure what it is lately, maybe the fact that we're coming up on the three year mark here in China, but it seems that lately, many people have been asking me about my future plans. I don't generally like to think too much about my future back in Canada. Not only does it tend to distract me from my current training, but it usually makes me quite homesick.

I know I want to open a school. I don't know where, when or how. Although, I do have some ideas as to the curriculum, and how I want it to be set up, and what kind of students I want to attract. Still, I try to not get lost in my ideas and create visions of grandeur. I know opening a school is going to be difficult. I also know that it is not going to make me money right away. I do believe however, that after I have finished my time here, I will have a lot to offer people. I just have to demonstrate the confidence in myself to convince others.

New Interests

I had my first Chinese calligraphy lesson Thursday morning. I've been wanting to take classes for ages now, but I always found an excuse not to go. So Tuesday afternoon, I went and met the teacher, who is this amazingly spry and enthusiastic old man.

I imagine this is going to be a tedious process. I spent half of my one hour lesson learning how to sit and how to properly hold the calligraphy brush. I spent the other half learning one of the smallest strokes. After the half hour, I realized how long learning calligraphy will really take. But I decided that while I'm here, I have a great opportunity, and I should really take advantage of it. And my teacher is so fun and excitable, I can't imagine getting bored too quickly.

"The Forty Rules of Love"

For a couple of weeks now, I've been totally immersed in a book I've been reading called, as you may have guessed, "The Forty Rules of Love" by Elif Shafak. Now the point of this post, is not exactly just to talk about how great this book is. It's fiction, but it is partly the story of the famous Sufi poet Rumi and his closest companion.

I have found many gems of wisdom inside this book, but last night I read something that really made me think about the way I interact with others. There's always going to be people in my life that are not like me. People that have different interests, carry themselves differently, and have a different focus in their life. And sometimes, I'm not going to feel particularly close to these people. I may find some of the things they do or say frustrating, irritating or offensive. But, in saying that, I generally make an effort to try to just accept people the way they are.

Last night I read this paragraph and it really just clicked. An epiphany of sorts.

" This world is like a snowy mountain that echos your voice. Whatever you speak, good or evil, will somehow come back to you. Therefore, if there is someone who harbors ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him, will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of malevolent energy. Instead for forty days and nights say and think nice things about that person. Everything will be different at the en of forty days, because you will be different inside. "

So today is my first day. I have chosen to start with only one person, so that I can really focus my attention. And now that I've written this post, it will be easy to look back in forty days from now, and see what has become of this commitment.

Tuesday Night

This has been one of the most difficult months of my training in ages. We came back from a great trip to Guilin, but since have not had any time off. We did well in the competition and completed the 3 days of meditation and since have had a full week of training.

I'm not going to fill this post with all of my grievances. There are some issues I've been having with my training as of late, that have made this past month especially difficult. I feel like a lot of these issues are out of my control, but still I often find myself stewing over them. But one lesson I've learned from Daoism, is that you can't change the things that other people do, but you can change yourself, and through this path, things around you will change.

Now I just have to figure out what I can change, to affect change around me.

Meditation

We're about to head into 3 days of meditation. By this, I don't mean that we meditate for 72hours straight. We have three sessions of 2 hours every day, for three days. We also have a free morning class where we can practice Qi Gong to start out our day.

I'm excited and apprehensive about it. I'm not a natural when it comes to meditation and I find it difficult to quiet my mind. But that being said, that's one of the greatest things about meditation for three days, you're bound to get something out of it so long as you stick with it.

I had the inspiring experience of just giving my Shifu a massage. I know, it doesn't sound that inspiring. The difference in the feeling of his muscles and tendons, compared to mine are tangible. I don't believe I've ever felt tissue of that consistency before. He used the word melting to describe the state of his body's softness. He also said that sometimes his body is too soft, so he has to practice to strengthen the muscles. His internal practice sometimes just leaves me in awe. Truly motivating.