This week has been a hard one for me. Isn't that just the usual though. On Saturday, I mentioned how great I was feeling and how hard I've been working. Taking the steps towards reaching my goals. Although, many of them I won't reach. It's irrelevant, because I'm living for today.
I have recently stopped drinking coffee regularly because I found that I was feeling the urge to drink it all the time. So I've discovered that I can't make it through the day without taking a nap now. Okay, I can handle that. For now, so I think.
In comes Monday. My first consultation with the naturopath. Whether you believe in this type of holistic medicine or not is irrelevant. You have to know any examination of me is going to have some bad news in it. Well, a lot more bad news than I realized. Slam! You're doing too much too soon. I'm surprised you're able to work and live a moderately normal life with these results. I must commend you for your willpower.
Then today I sign into my course curriculum for Athabasca University, and I realize I was a month off in my end date somehow and I missed it, thinking my course ended at the end of October. So now I've failed the course that I've spent all that time and money on. How could I be so stupid?
I sat down, took some deep breaths and reminded myself what I've been thinking since the meeting. It's so easy to look at other people and have compassion. It's much more difficult for me to be compassionate with myself. I've been attempting to work on this since I got out of the hospital. I can make excuses for the things that I do wrong, but it's just a huge waste of energy. I need to look at myself openly, accept my mistakes and keep moving forward. Sometimes easier said than done.
*sigh*
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