Sheep

We talked at the meeting about reflecting back on the I Ho Chuan year and thinking about all the changes we've made and about the positive effect the I Ho Chuan has had on us. It's hard for me to reflect back on this year without ending up in tears.

I hit this amazing peak. I got my black belt, finally. After all this time. I went to Alabama and I met so many amazing people, and I did so much good work that I truly felt fantastic about. We had the pandamonium- my first - that I had so much fun at. And then pretty shortly after that, I was hospitalized with GBS. There is nothing so vulnerable as being completely paralyzed and being unable to speak.

I cried so many times when people talked about Kung fu and my time in China. So many times I questioned, why did I go through all of that, just so I could end up here? It seems so unfair that after spending 5 years in China, cultivating my health, I should be the one to end up in a hospital bed. Over and over again, my friends and family told me, that I probably would recover really quickly because I was already in such good shape. Or how my training prepared me mentally to handle the pain. Or how maybe my practice helped me to cultivate patience and understanding. 

It's hard to look at positive things that come from this type of experience. It's so difficult not to dwell in the suffering. It's so frustrating to start again with so many things. The hardest thing is being patient with myself. But here I am still at it. And why? Because I've never been satisfied with mediocrity. If there's one thing I've learned from the I Ho Chuan, it's that every day is a new day to strive towards mastery. I really can look at that from a new perspective this year.