Asking For Help

I'm terrible at asking for help. I would say I keep my ego pretty in check most of the time, except when it comes to me asking someone else for help. If someone offers me help, I make an effort to accept the help because I don't want to offend anyone, but even then sometimes it's a natural reaction for me to say no. I don't like the feeling of incompetence, or helplessness, and although I'm pretty friendly and outgoing, I really don't like sharing my struggles.

Even when I was a kid I was so set on being independent that I often made my own life much more difficult. For example, I wanted to learn to do the dishes and wash my laundry on my own so that I didn't have to ask my mom. So when I was about 6, I was using the washing machine on my own, and helping Brandi with the dishes. I got my first job when I was 14, so that I could buy the things I wanted.

So in the past few months I've realized that I still feel this need to be independent (of course living with my parents isn't helping this feeling). I quietly struggle through my conflicts, and I don't like to discuss them with anyone. And I've realized that sometimes this really hurts the people close to me.

You know the thing that I find the strangest out of all of this is that I love helping other people. I feel so good when I can bust out some idea or some useful skill and put it to good use. I even love when people choose to confide in me, especially if I feel like I can give them some helpful advice.

Is it pride or is it mulishness that's feeding my need for independence? I'd like to think I'm just too stubborn for my own good.