The Master/Disciple Dynamic

I really struggle with the concept of this relationship. I tend to base most of my relationships on an open and honest communication. Although this isn't achieved with every person I interact with, I often try to keep my side of the relationship held to this type of standard. Living in China and being a disciple of a real "traditional" Master, I've realized that the level of closeness and bonding that I enjoy through communication can never be achieved with my master here. There's certain types of interaction that are acceptable and many that are not. It is not acceptable to go to my master and tell him that I am unhappy with my training. Not directly. There's the concept of 'face' in Chinese culture and if I were to approach my master directly with this complaint it would cause him to lose face. You're supposed to be 'round'. So saying something, but not really saying it. Or hinting at it without really saying it. Or just not saying it at all and through your actions hopefully communicating it to him. I can't understand this type of interaction. It's exhausting. It takes ten times longer to accomplish anything and it is incredibly frustrating for me.

If I were at home and I went to my master, and told him why I was unhappy with some aspect of my training, he would likely explain to me the reason behind whatever the issue is and I would have a certain level of understanding. Whether I agreed or not is irrelevant. I would much easier be able to look at it from my master's perspective and see the value in it. It's completely against my nature to follow blindly if I really can't see the purpose in my actions. The more people try convince me to swim downstream, the more convinced I am that I need to go against the current. I have a tendency to be very stubborn.

I try my best to be respectful to everyone in my life. I have to try even harder to be respectful when I'm constantly forced to bite my tongue. All I can say is that I'm glad I wasn't born in China, but I guess if I were, it's unlikely I would be who I am.