Ankle Injury #4

This Monday I twisted my ankle again. Since I sprained it the first time December 2011, this has been a recurring injury for me. I know that anyone who dedicates themselves to some kind of physical activity is familiar with this kind of setback. It's really difficult to not let oneself become discouraged.

In the time that I've been practicing here I've really developed a deeper sense of my physical body. I've noticed this in many of my classmates as well. There's a distinct fascination of the inner workings of our bodies. I have a cousin who works as a physiotherapist and it seems like every time I go home I just have a million more questions for her. You know, "I keep injuring myself here, but I feel like it's because I'm stiff there. Does that make any sense?" Or another good one is, "I can't move my *insert body part* fully in this direction, what stretches can I do?"

I feel like there's an endless amount of discoveries to be made. Which I guess is one of the reasons I've made the decision to really pursue training full time. These are the kinds of developments that keep my training interesting. Let's all be honest, doing kicks, the same kicks, in the same order, at the same time, 5.5 days a week, can definitely become tedious. But making these new discoveries about my body, or having strange epiphanies about stretching, or about my forms, makes each day a new adventure. These are the things I try to remember when I wake up each day to keep myself motivated.

If someone were to record my life for a week, it would outwardly appear that I live a life of boring routine. Get up, eat meals, go to classes, meditate and go to sleep, at the same time. But it's those moments of self discovery, that keep me inspired.

Tai Ji

So today we finished Tai Ji 13, which completes our learning of Wudang Tai Ji. After we finished learning and working on the new movements, our Shifu called us together for him to expound some of his wisdom to us.

We talk alot about cultivating our health here, for most people it's their sole reason for travelling to this school. Over the years we've had numerous lectures about our immune systems and organ funciton. In TCM weaknesses in your immune system comes back to your organ function. Master Yuan believes strongly that your emotions affect your organs greatly. For example, someone who has problems with anger, might also have weakness in their liver. This is a simplified description so I can get to my point a little quicker.

He talked about what he calls 'playing with your emotions' while practicing Tai Ji. So instead of focusing on the external details while training Tai ji (posture, breathing etc.), we practiced Tai Ji while he walked around a watched us, told us to 'play' and smile a little bit. It sounds strange, but after practicing like this, I really felt different. I felt lighter and more energetic.

He told us to imagine incense in our dantian. The smoke dissipates like your emotions, but inside there's still a fire. He expressed after every time you practice Tai Ji, you should feel like a new person. Every morning when you wake up and practice Tai Ji, let go of everything inside. Those things aren't you anymore because today when you approach the world, you're embarking on it as a new person.

On A Different Path

I've shared this experience with many of my classmates over the past few years. You have this one month a year where you get to go home, and during this time, you make an effort to see all your family and old friends. There's a certain something that you really want to hold onto, even with friends you never hear from for an entire year. Now the strangest thing about this desire to see these people is that it seems to affirm every time more and more how much you're on different paths.

So many of my friends are getting married, having kids, advancing in their careers. Not everyone of course. It seems like so often when my friends ask that typical question of something along the lines of say "what's the training like there?" I give the same easy answer over and over because I don't really know how to express what it's like. I can tell everyone what my schedule is like repeatedly, and I can talk about the food, or my classmates, but I often wonder if I give off the impression that I don't want to talk about it, or that I'm not passionate about what I'm doing. It just seems impossible to try and sum up a year's worth of training.

I could list all of the forms that I've learned, or the competitions I've done, or some kind of stretching achievements, but most of that would mean little to the average person. How could I explain how much I've learned from dealing with the frustrations of injuries, or how getting through the monotony of each day has made me learn so much about my personal character. How much I've learned about dealing with my training partners. These things that seem so important to me have no physical manifestations that are simple and easy to share.

In so many ways I can't wait to come home but I also imagine it will be a difficult transition.

Almost March

It was fairly uneventful as all things go, but at the same time a lot of things happened. I guess that's one of the reasons I find blogging such a struggle is because I need some kind of starting point. We finished learning Ba Xian Jian (eight immortals sword) this week, which is exciting because I am curious to find out what will be next. I assume we won't be starting anything right away, we all need some time to absorb everything we've learned in the past few weeks. So this next week will probably be spent with a lot of review of the rest of our forms that we haven't drilled yet.

My body isn't too destroyed yet. This year while I was home, I brought back maybe one of the smartest things ever. A FOAM ROLLER! Yep, it's totally amazing, I didn't even know what I was missing. I am blessed with a family full of healers, and I have taken their suggestions to heart. Hopefully by the time 6 months has gone, my knee won't be excruciating, and I will have been able to keep the shin splints at bay. I have high hopes for my future here. *insert crazy cackle*

A few deep breaths

Since we had four days off for Chinese New Year, this week was a long one. Eight days later and I'm so physically exhausted walking up the stairs is an ordeal. I had a very productive week though and feel like I made some serious inroads into working through my forms. Shifu was away for a few days which gave us all some free time to work on our own.

I really noticed when I was training for the tournament in Huang Shan last year, how many movements from my forms get kind of glossed over while training in the group. I see the benefit in training as a group, it pushes you to work on your speed, and really keeps up the intensity of your training when you're just pushed along with the group drilling form after form. But I have also noticed, that over time, some small details get lost in the drive.

So I really tried to take advantage of my independence this week and go through the movements of each form consciously, thinking about the details in the arm motions and the timing of my stepping. I noticed that generally the forms that I'm more confident in, I have clearer understanding of my body and the coordination of my movements, whereas the forms that I feel less confident with, the more blurred my movements are. This gave me a great perspective on the forms I need to work on the most and where I'm most lacking in my training. All in all, great week.

Back at it!

Well, this is day 3 back to training. I'm sore. Every year I try to mentally prepare myself for this level of pain, but really it's not possible. There's just no way to smoothly transition from moderate activity to extreme amount of exercise in the allotted time. Which is pretty much none. The rule is once you're back from break you have to attend all classes.

This break was amazing. I've really learned to appreciate the comforts of home. Having friends and family that I can call on at any moment. The warmth and comfort of home. The food. Silent River. I know I have a somewhat skewed perspective considering I don't work while I'm home. But I've even learned to appreciate all of my free time. It sometimes seems like there's so many hours in a day that I can do anything I want to.

I'm looking forward to moving back home. Not because I don't love the training, but I'm just tired of China. I know lots of people that love it here, but I prefer a quieter life. One things for sure, it will be nice to not live in the same room as my sister for a while. Hahaha....

Life Lessons

Last night I had coffee with a friend of mine I haven't seen for about 3 years. I had a great time, lots of laughs, and from both of us, lots of story telling. At one point he asked me, "Mel, what is the most profound lesson that you've learned in China?". This huge question put a very abrupt stop to conversation as I stopped to think about the question. As I struggled to come up with an answer I realized how many things I've learned since deciding to spend about 1/5th of my present years in Wudang.

I had to sort through a bunch of answers. I've learned to let other people lead me sometimes (I'm a bit stubborn when it comes to my independence), I've learned that I love to push my own limits, and I've also learned to not let people get to me so easily (I have a bit of a temper at times).

But the most life changing thing for me was the realization that to be happy, I had to consciously choose happiness. I've recognized that life for me was never just going to magically start to feel better. I mean I've never been particularly unhappy, but I struggle through things just like everyone else. But consciously deciding to take a positive outlook on most situations has really changed the way I live, and how I feel every day.