Courage

This week has been an interesting one. I went to a open house sorta thingy at a naturopath clinic that my Aunt has been going to. It's really caught my interest. I've never been to a naturopath before. I've considered it several times since I began my recovery, but I think I was a little bit afraid. I've experienced as much pain in this year, as most people probably experience in their lives. And it scares me to think that I might have to go through any of that again. But I'm convinced that I should at least go for some testing, and then decide if I want to proceed with whatever treatment they recommend.. I'm most excited about live blood cell analysis. I want to see my cells on a screen. Sounds cool!

I also was presented with my courage award from the Glenrose this week. It was nice to be there and to be up and walking around, able to accept my award on my feet. I got to chat with my old roomie, another courage award recipient about how she's progressing. Now that is a lady that inspires me! She's 70 something and had to start all over again. And she's still working on it. No giving up for that woman. That's for sure. And she's very lovely to talk to. Such a kind and caring person.

I am just constantly reminded of how lucky I am. My biggest fear right now, is that I'll forget it somewhere along the way. Like Sifu Brinker often tells us, the memories will fade and you'll forget. I hope it takes a long time for that to happen.

Busy to Full

This week I've been thinking a lot about perspective. These past couple of months I've found myself a bit overwhelmed by the responsibilities I've taken on. There are a lot of things going on for me right now. I changed my work schedule down to 6 hours a day. I was trying to work a full time schedule and maybe jumped into work with a bit too much gusto. I've had some physical difficulties, outside of the usual ones. I've got a bit of plantar fasciitis in my feet. I've got a possible ulcer in my left eye (and I have to wait until Dec. to find out), and some neck problems.

When I read Ms. Berstreisers post this week, I was thinking about how lucky I am to have the life I do. I don't necessarily have a busy life, I have a full life. I have so many things in my life to be grateful for, although they may at some points cause me to struggle. Those struggles have helped me become who I am, and I feel rich.

I have a job where people try their best to understand my situation. It is casual enough that if I'm feeling really poopy one day, I can just let them know. I have wonderfully supportive family, and friends that help me through these struggles. I have a welcoming home with a great kitty (hopefully another coming soon). I've got a passion that makes me feel fulfilled. I've been fortunate enough to have amazing role models throughout my life that have taught me to take advantage of the opportunities that life provides me with. And I have a wonderful team of like-minded, supportive, empathetic individuals that help me along on my journey and give me the opportunity to help them along on theirs.

Some days I may go to bed and find it difficult to sleep because I've got too much on the mind. But next time, I'll take comfort in the fact that most of the things I struggle with, are things that I choose, because they are important to me. I have a long journey still ahead, and the choices I make today, will affect who I become and I feel like I'm on a good path.

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Eating Vegetarian

Before I moved to China, I was a vegetarian. Actually, before I went to China the first time on our "kung fu holiday" I was a vegan. Living in China, I didn't cook my own food, and some things were a little bit shady, and so I decided it was in my best interests to start eating meat. I started out slowly, and ate a couple pieces here and a couple there, until my body could digest it again.

The reason I became a vegetarian in the first place, honestly, had nothing to do with my own mindfulness. Or anything to do with my compassion for animals. Which is still a factor. But mostly, I just did a lot of research and decided that a vegetarian diet was more globally sustainable. And I still feel that way. Right now I'm at odds, because every Auto Immune Protocol style diet is mostly paleo. I always say my diet is a paleo style diet because I don't think I would ever feel comfortable eating completely paleo. It seems selfish to me to eat a diet that is so unsustainable and has such great global impacts. This is where eating mindfully comes in for me. If I know where my food came from. If I know it's from my own garden, and that I've put into it, just as much as it gives back to me, then I feel more connected to the things I'm eating. Just as in there's value for me in putting my time and effort into the kwoon, there's value in putting time and effort into what I eat. Taking ownership for all the the things I put into my body for fuel is an important part of my identity.

I'm excited to try the 30 days vegetarian and see how I feel. My diet is already primarily made up of veggies. Just cut out the meats, and make sure I'm getting enough omega 3 fatty acids. Good for the brain!

I also wanted to share a link with you from the David Suzuki Foundation. You might have already seen it, but it's certainly food for thought.

http://www.davidsuzuki.org/blogs/science-matters/2016/08/how-much-food-can-cities-produce/

My Calendar

I wrote a blog last time about my numbers. Numbers are something I've been struggling with since I came home. So funny, how did I do it in China? It seemed so simple...

Oh wait, I remember. All I did all day was kung fu. It's much easier to achieve your numbers when you're not cooking and doing dishes all the time. When you don't have family commitments. When you don't have a garden to take care of. Reality check.

I don't live in China anymore, with the responsibilities I have now, I just don't have the same time to devote to my training. But this is where I need to start incorporating my training throughout the day. I went back to my old method of recording, and I love it. So simple, but so effective. I've been doing some bike riding. Not for numbers, but because I enjoy it and it is building up my endurance and cardio slowly. I've started teaching Sifu Randy Langner some Chinese calligraphy. I don't know if he realized how detailed it was. Just like training. Every movement has intent. This has also reminded me how much I enjoy the practice, and inspired me to pull out the brushes more often.

It's been a process of trial and error so far this year. I have definitely made progress though. And I don't even mean just since my GBS but also in areas that I struggled with before. I too struggle with consistency, but I think I've found a bit more of a routine for myself. I'm feeling positive about the remainder of the year.

Numbers

So the problem for me with this whole recording numbers business, a lot of the time comes down to literally, just writing them down. Mentally, I'm all for the incremental progression through daily practice. Even if I fall off the wagon once in a while, it's generally easy for me to get going again. I just show up to class, remember how much I love what I'm doing and believe in the program, and then bam! I'm back...

But when it comes down to recording the numbers and keeping track of where I'm at.. I suck. No, that's not true. I've been trying to test out some new ways of doing it. I thought, there's probably a more efficient way of doing this, so I'm going to try... something new. But I've now gone back to my original way. Whether it's more effective or efficient for anyone else is pretty irrelevant. And it might seem silly to do it the way I did, but it was working. I'm all for innovation, but not if it's not effective. So I'm back at it again. Not just the acts, but the numbers too. I try not to lie to myself, and this is just like a giant mirror, showing you the things you didn't accomplish today, and all the things you're excited about working on again tomorrow. 

Life's Path

Since going on the wolf walk and hearing the story of the people owning it, I have been thinking a lot about how our lives evolve.

At boot camp Sifu Brinker asked us, "how many people here feel that they individually have the power to change the world?" I didn't. I do feel I have the power to create change in my environment. But I also started thinking about it more afterwards. I can change the world. Through my actions, I create a ripple affect that can affect those around me, and in turn affects those that they interact with. Thinking about this had lead me to think about all of our interactions. How many ripples have we created that have traveled the world?

When I asked Shelly how she had gotten into wolf handling ( I guess I'll call it that) she said her and her husband were photographers and decided to adopt a wolf. That was a while ago. Since then she said that they decided to use their photography as a platform for educating people about wolves. They took a single step towards something they were passionate about and since then, their lives have kind of unfolded around them. I'm sure it took hard work at times, and a lot of dedication, but I'm pretty sure that's what kung fu is about.

What to do?

Where do you start when you haven't blogged in?.. I don't even know.

I could start with the excuses that I've got, but they're lame, and there's no point except sounding lame, which I'd rather avoid. I think it has to do with me being too busy, and taking on too many things. It's hard to keep yourself accountable, when you're so widely spread. But, this is my own fault because I commit to too many things, and then struggle with getting them all done. I have to remind myself constantly that I can't keep the same kind of lifestyle I had previously, not yet anyways. I have always spread myself thin, but now I have a little bit less energy to spread, and it's affecting my commitment to my goals this year.

In that regard, I'm having a hard time not beating myself up over some of the things I've been missing. And this is where I have to keep my eye on the prize daily. I can't have these vague large numbers I want to achieve in half a years' time. I need to refocus on my daily goals and work on making consistent effort again. Whether or not I reach the end goal, the chances are much higher if I focus on the day to day progression.

On a positive note though. I have achieved something that wasn't on my personal requirements, or something I had not spent a lot of time thinking about earlier this year. I taught at boot camp. Whether or not my lessons were successful (i'm not sure how to gauge that) my confidence level certainly jumped. Although my nutrition lecture turned into more of a 'lecture' than I intended, I've been excited about Ba Gua ever since I suggested it, and I really felt good about it. Everyone tried really hard to learn a very complex and totally new style of movement, and I was super impressed with everyone at the boot camp. Watching everyone's successes and struggles during the fitness test really made me feel inspired. To be able to witness people pushing themselves beyond their own limits, it was incredible to be a part of. So thank you to everyone who committed themselves to an intense day of kung fu. Amazing!

I'd like to finish with a quote by a deep thinker I know...

"Why did Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall Mel?... He took his eye off the prize"
- Simon Cox (my brother in law)