Cost of Consumerism

This Christmas season has reminded me a lot of my values. I have two young cousins (2 and 6) that are visiting for 10 days or so, and I've been trying to keep everything in perspective. I don't remember a time when I was a kid that I actually got everything I wanted. And I'm certain that's a positive thing. Most of those toys were forgotten by the next month. I was bothered by the number of presents my cousins received and their lack sometimes of appreciation for those things. Sometimes you don't know if they're going to have a temper tantrum or fall in love. My dad's side of the family decided to do a home made Christmas. Which was fun, although a lot more work. But then I thought about how much I invested in the gifts I made, and I feel as though it was worth it.

I have been working this year on spending less on 'things' and more on quality time and better quality food. I have recently gone through all of my emails and unsubscribed from anything that wasn't either about books, or about causes that I support. In my email I recently received an article from the David Suzuki Foundation that I felt was an affirmation that I am on the right path. I'm so tired of being advertised to and being encouraged to consume. I want to use the purchasing power that I have in order to support businesses that I believe are committed to sustainable practices and a better quality of life. Sometimes, it's difficult to find companies that are so forthcoming, but I do my best with each decision I make.

I'm going to share the article from the David Suzuki Foundation. It's a good reminder of the real cost of consumerism.

http://www.davidsuzuki.org/blogs/science-matters/2016/12/tread-lightly-to-lift-the-weight-of-the-world/?utm_campaign=scienceMatters-treadLightlyToLiftTheWeight-en-16dec2016&utm_source=mkto-none-smNonSubscribers-link-readOnline&utm_medium=email&mkt_tok=eyJpIjoiWVdRMU9UYzNOVEE1TUdSbCIsInQiOiJ5eVB1RG5jYVhBZW14RUJGbndwZllyeDNBakVLSDl5RE5sakoxM0lBM2o2NDN6UGhQVFg4YXRHdmZsV25KSWxNbnc2WStzK29hU0pEWnhGTkxRUUwwN0lMM3FzQjYxdDN4c3V5NHVBbW0zZ1wvbThrTG45N3g4eHJXWkxJSU1hUzJRUnBQeDRiS2ZDUjZzUzdJdDhHYmZ3PT0ifQ%3D%3D

Diversity

Over the past 7 or so years, I have moved away from a lot of the friends and acquaintances. I feel like I have changed so much that I find it hard to relate to some of my old friends. We've grown apart and that's okay. Natural as we all grow out of our teenage years and early twenties. A lot of my friends are either still spending their time drinking beers and watching TV or they have gone in a different direction. Having children, and moving into that new phase in their lives.

Since being in the I Ho Chuan, the kwoon has become not only a place for training and pushing my limits, but a place full of people I can relate to. Which seems funny sometimes because I look around sometimes and we are very different people outside of the kwoon. Different occupations, different religions, disparate values in a lot of ways. Although we are a diverse group, we have a similar passion that brings us together. Not just kung fu, but our own pursuit of mastery. Kung fu is so much more than just physical fitness and martial skill. It's my most valuable tool for personal progress. And if I can learn to utilize that tool correctly, it's something that I could share with those around me.

As the year of the Monkey is starting to wind down, I've been thinking a lot about this year and reflecting on the progress and struggles of my year. Brandi told me the other day that for "the Ox" (my Chinese Zodiac), the past few years have been very difficult, but the coming year is supposed to give them a fresh start. I'm really hoping that next year is a bit easier than the last few. I know that struggling is what makes us learn and grow, but I'd like a little bit of time to recuperate. Keeping my fingers crossed for the Year of the Rooster.

New Year's Resolutions

I've never been the New Year's resolution type. I guess I figured it would most likely end how most peoples' end, with me not following through. There's no point in lying to myself about what changes I'm going to make. Instead I chose to make decisions throughout the year that I wanted to be permanent. There was no glamour of having a list of changes, just some boring lifestyle change that I never really shared with anyone. My own thing, my own willpower.

I've been thinking a lot since the meeting about how my life has possibly changed since joining the I Ho Chuan. Not just this year, but every year since I came home. I did my first year of the I Ho Chuan while still living in China. From New Years until October I did all of my training and blogging while still in Wudang. At the time I didn't realize how much more difficult the I Ho Chuan would be living at home. More responsibilities and distractions.

While discussing whether or not to continue on next year's team with Sifu Brinker, I had a small moment of realization. Since I finished my training in China, I have been on the team every year. Different levels of participation required of course, but still, I've always had the I Ho Chuan to help guide my transition. I never had a plan for when I came home. I just wanted to open my own school. There. Plan created. I had no steps in mind to make that happen. Just some vague idea of a goal.

So the thing is here that, had I not gotten sick and decided to move, I would have had a ridiculous amount of work ahead. I had no idea where I was going and what I was doing. We talk about incremental progression, that would have been full blown flip over upside down and hang there for a while trying to get my head straight. The I Ho Chuan has provided me a way to set my goals, and to hold myself accountable. Not just to the team, but to myself. It's given me some direction. Especially during my recovery this past year. And now that the progress is less obvious, is when I need it most. I get to choose a lot of my own goals, and they are things that I have decided are valuable, and can help me improve myself and take deliberate steps towards mastery. My goal is still the same. I want to teach. But I've realized that there are many opportunities to teach. Teaching compassion and empathy through my own actions and words. Teaching the value of hard work and discipline through my own experiences and training.



"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Brain Sludge

I have been agonizing over what to write for days now. I don't want to blog about Trump. Although I've been thinking about him for many days now, I don't have anything to say. I'm still in shock.

I had to put our lovely not even 2 year old cat down this Monday, which was hard on me. No matter what anyone says, I still feel guilty about it. I did everything I could, but it just wasn't enough, and it made me feel helpless and sad.

On a brighter note, I've decided to join the rooster team. Ms. Bergstreiser reminded me of the encouragement I gave her to join the team last year and I was reminded of my reasons why I thought the team would be great for her. Even though she was on "light duties" there were still many great steps forward on her part and look at where she's at now.

Sometimes it's great to have a friend and teammate give you back your perspective.

I've been meditating and practicing qi gong or tai chi nearly every night since Tiger Challenge. I thought a lot about what I want my goals to be for next year, and I thought about all of the things that I could do rather than all of the things I couldn't. I feel kind of like, "the little engine that could".

To roost or not to roost?

So I've been a bit out of sorts the last few months. And it was really just getting worse. There are some things that I've been forced to deal with lately, and one of them is that in some cases, GBS leaves people with the problem of chronic fatigue. Now, don't get me wrong. I know I'm still not recovered, but I also am not the type to just sit and wait. I want to participate actively in my recovery.

My naturopath has diagnosed me with an internal staph infection. Not very uncommon for the amount of time I was in the hospital, and all the tubes I had stuck in me. I've also been diagnosed with something called Epstein-Barr Virus. Which, is not at all uncommon and is a common cause of mono, but they have found links related to auto-immune diseases. Wikipedia says something like 95% of the population carry it around. It's a form of the herpes virus, much like chicken pox. And much like chicken pox, you really only get it once. Unless you're one of the unlucky ones that ends up with shingles. Which are often triggered by stress. So I'm inclined to think my GBS was rather stress related. And I've heard similar things from people who have other neurological diseases. The last thing I want, is to go through all that again. So now I've realized I need to learn to deal with this stress.

I've been debating for a while whether I was going to join the rooster team or not. I haven't been training at Silent River without the I Ho Chuan since before I went to China. I can't imagine what being part of the school would be like without it, but at this point, it seems like so much to take on. So, I finally had a meeting with Sifu Brinker. I would have to figure out how to feel like a part of the team without doing a lot of the physical aspects. But Sifu Brinker reminded me, as he has reminded us all over and over, that the I Ho Chuan is a tool. And it's a tool for my own personal development. So now the tough part is deciding what direction I'd like my life to go, and also how the I Ho Chuan could serve me next year.

Compassion for Oneself

This week has been a hard one for me. Isn't that just the usual though. On Saturday, I mentioned how great I was feeling and how hard I've been working. Taking the steps towards reaching my goals. Although, many of them I won't reach. It's irrelevant, because I'm living for today.

I have recently stopped drinking coffee regularly because I found that I was feeling the urge to drink it all the time. So I've discovered that I can't make it through the day without taking a nap now. Okay, I can handle that. For now, so I think.

In comes Monday. My first consultation with the naturopath. Whether you believe in this type of holistic medicine or not is irrelevant. You have to know any examination of me is going to have some bad news in it. Well, a lot more bad news than I realized. Slam! You're doing too much too soon. I'm surprised you're able to work and live a moderately normal life with these results. I must commend you for your willpower.

Then today I sign into my course curriculum for Athabasca University, and I realize I was a month off in my end date somehow and I missed it, thinking my course ended at the end of October. So now I've failed the course that I've spent all that time and money on. How could I be so stupid?

I sat down, took some deep breaths and reminded myself what I've been thinking since the meeting. It's so easy to look at other people and have compassion. It's much more difficult for me to be compassionate with myself. I've been attempting to work on this since I got out of the hospital. I can make excuses for the things that I do wrong, but it's just a huge waste of energy. I need to look at myself openly, accept my mistakes and keep moving forward. Sometimes easier said than done.
*sigh*

Courage

This week has been an interesting one. I went to a open house sorta thingy at a naturopath clinic that my Aunt has been going to. It's really caught my interest. I've never been to a naturopath before. I've considered it several times since I began my recovery, but I think I was a little bit afraid. I've experienced as much pain in this year, as most people probably experience in their lives. And it scares me to think that I might have to go through any of that again. But I'm convinced that I should at least go for some testing, and then decide if I want to proceed with whatever treatment they recommend.. I'm most excited about live blood cell analysis. I want to see my cells on a screen. Sounds cool!

I also was presented with my courage award from the Glenrose this week. It was nice to be there and to be up and walking around, able to accept my award on my feet. I got to chat with my old roomie, another courage award recipient about how she's progressing. Now that is a lady that inspires me! She's 70 something and had to start all over again. And she's still working on it. No giving up for that woman. That's for sure. And she's very lovely to talk to. Such a kind and caring person.

I am just constantly reminded of how lucky I am. My biggest fear right now, is that I'll forget it somewhere along the way. Like Sifu Brinker often tells us, the memories will fade and you'll forget. I hope it takes a long time for that to happen.