Tuesday Night

This has been one of the most difficult months of my training in ages. We came back from a great trip to Guilin, but since have not had any time off. We did well in the competition and completed the 3 days of meditation and since have had a full week of training.

I'm not going to fill this post with all of my grievances. There are some issues I've been having with my training as of late, that have made this past month especially difficult. I feel like a lot of these issues are out of my control, but still I often find myself stewing over them. But one lesson I've learned from Daoism, is that you can't change the things that other people do, but you can change yourself, and through this path, things around you will change.

Now I just have to figure out what I can change, to affect change around me.

Meditation

We're about to head into 3 days of meditation. By this, I don't mean that we meditate for 72hours straight. We have three sessions of 2 hours every day, for three days. We also have a free morning class where we can practice Qi Gong to start out our day.

I'm excited and apprehensive about it. I'm not a natural when it comes to meditation and I find it difficult to quiet my mind. But that being said, that's one of the greatest things about meditation for three days, you're bound to get something out of it so long as you stick with it.

I had the inspiring experience of just giving my Shifu a massage. I know, it doesn't sound that inspiring. The difference in the feeling of his muscles and tendons, compared to mine are tangible. I don't believe I've ever felt tissue of that consistency before. He used the word melting to describe the state of his body's softness. He also said that sometimes his body is too soft, so he has to practice to strengthen the muscles. His internal practice sometimes just leaves me in awe. Truly motivating.

Competition

I find myself worn out and especially frustrated right now. There is an upcoming competition that we've all been 'encouraged'  to enter. I have to say that I am naturally quite a competitive person and so try to avoid this setting. Being the younger sibling, as a kid, I was always out to prove myself to my sister and to my family. As I've grown older, I've realized I don't have anything to prove to them. They don't care if I win or lose, they love me all the same.

This is not always true of myself. I struggle a lot against my own ego. I don't know if everyone encounters this, but it's something I've become used to. Sometimes it helps motivate me, and sometimes it's very detrimental. Generally, I try to keep the attitude that the only person worth competing with is myself.

I'm struggling to keep that posture right now. How else do you compete but by comparing yourself to those around you? I am using this opportunity to improve my forms, and in that sense, find the process very exciting. Yet, it has already proved to be an arduous exercise for me. I hope that no matter what the outcome proves to be, that I can keep my ego in check and use this as another learning experience.

Guilin

We've just arrived home from an amazing trip. Not only did we all get the chance to eat tonnes of Western food, but it was amazingly beautiful. Guilin is a city where there are so many activities to do, it's hard to be bored. If it hadn't started raining buckets on our last couple days there, I don't know how much rest I would've actually gotten.

It just reminded me how much I love being outside, in a natural setting. I often take it for granted while training, because I spend the majority of my time outside, sweating my butt off. There's many days where the weather is oppressively hot and the last thing I want to do is be outside. But going on this trip gave me the opportunity to reflect on my past jobs and activities, and to consider myself fortunate to be able to enjoy this kind of lifestyle every day.

I feel a certain sense of freedom being able to detach myself from the problems of every day life, and to just revel in the wonders of the earth. I feel tired from the trip, but revitalized.

Happy Birthday to ME

Well I am now 27 years old. Feels pretty good. I had a great birth day, even though I had to train. I slept in for the early morning training, and took the evening off so Brandi could treat me to a delicious meal in the 5star restaurant at the mountain gate. I have to say that living in Wudang really helps you to appreciate the small things. We had a caesar salad, followed by cream of mushroom soup, and to finish off we shared an eel entree. Doesn't sound particularly fancy but let me say, it's the best meal I've had in months.

If I were at home, I probably would've felt the need to organize some kind of party, or make myself available to my friends, but being here, living all in the same quarters, it's enough to just get a tonne of hugs from my classmates. This is now my third birthday here, and I am continually appreciative of how little gestures can change so much. Thanks again to my friends and family. I feel truly loved.

Disciple Ceremony

I have to admit I was a little apprehensive about the disciple ceremony. Not only have I never witnessed one before, but there was also a flood of students returning to the school. Some I've seen over the years more than once, and some I haven't seen in what seems like forever. And I was a little overwhelmed with everyone arriving all at the same time.

It was an amazing experience and I'm so glad that I got to share it with so many of my fellow martial artists. I'm sure there are a few, who came just for the certificate, and will do little in upholding the San Feng Lineage, but the majority, I am glad to officially call my kung fu brothers and sisters. We've been so lucky to watch one another change and grow over the past couple years, and I feel as though our mutual respect for one another, and for the tradition, will continue to bond us to one another for the rest of our lives. I hope so anyways.

I feel thankful that I was given this opportunity.

Class Dynamics

Training's been going really well since we arrived back in Wudang. The first week was initially quite trying, because getting back into the routine of training so much, is always really painful. It's hard to work through forms, etc. when you don't even want to bend your knees. The second week, dampened my spirits a bit, because we heard that our class was going to be combined with the traditional class of Chinese students, a.k.a Er Ban. The last week was the best week so far. I felt like I really accomplished a lot in my training, and had some time to practice Tai Ji on my own.

I noticed since I returned that our class dynamics have been a little different. Really the only visible difference, was that one of our classmates stayed home a little longer to work for extra money before his return. I've always felt a connection with this person, not for any particular reason, but I find that he has a pretty positive attitude, and when the class gets into a funk, he's usually trying to look on the brighter side. I often struggle to keep a positive outlook as well, and so I feel maybe we've bonded because of this. I find it amazing, that for me personally, so much can change in the atmosphere of my training just because one person isn't there.

This realization led me onto a process of thoughts. Do I contribute so much into our class atmosphere? Would my classmates feel the loss if I were to leave? I am constantly working on positive thinking. Does this affect the other people whom I train with? I hope the answer to all of these questions is, "yes". Sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in your own little world here, you forget about what's going on around you. If I intend to be an instructor when I'm finished here, I hope I can offer as much to my students as I try to offer to my comrades. And although it may be a constant struggle, realizing that one person can make such a difference in my day to day, inspires me to try and do the same for others.