Balance

I've been working for my parents pretty much since I got out of the hospital. Just a few hours here and there in the beginning. I couldn't drive and so would end up riding in with my mom and just doing what I could to kill time. I've been fortunate that I was mostly able to make my own hours and work as much as I could while often leaving randomly for appointments and heading home for naps when I was really beat. I've also been fortunate in that I was still putting in a lot of time at the kwoon. Staying for Monday, Wednesday evenings until 930 and not worrying too much about getting up for 545am. Putting my energy in where I most wanted to.

At work we've just hired 20 new employees and it looks like it's going to be a busy summer. I've been putting in full time hours, sometimes more just so I can finish my daily tasks. I've been really struggling to keep up with everything at work, and as far as my training goes, a lot of it has really fallen off. I struggle with my energy levels as I've mentioned before, and I'm not really keeping up. So, I've decided I need to cut back my time at the kwoon. I really can't cut back hours at work. I feel they've been more than accommodating for my weird schedule. It's time for me to buckle down and do my part. No more orange/green class for me. At least not regularly. I love that class. It's been the most rewarding for me to be part of. I felt like I was really starting to connect with some of the students. But my health has to come first. So there it is... 

How do you measure peace?

I heard a statistic on CBC radio this week that said, "the world is becoming more and more peaceful." I looked at Dan and said how do you measure peace?

From what I've read on this subject, it appears to be measured by the amount of violent crime and casualties of war. I don't know that I agree that we can measure peace just by less violence. But it also shows the power of the media and how our focus as viewers is always turned toward violence and war. What about those feel good fluff pieces? What about important pieces about our effect on the environment? And what about pieces where you hear about how to become more active community members? That's the news I'd also like to hear.

I feel that there are a lot of important exclusions in this study, but it is nice to hear, that among all of the news reports on violence and terrorism recently, there is a little gold nugget in there.

Addiction

I feel a lot of sympathy for kids nowadays. How many kids do we all know that suffer from anxiety? Is it because of new methods of bullying on social media, or is it because we're all so plugged in all the time we're just too overstimulated? I feel as an adult I have more tools and experience to deal with all this, but I see kids struggle. I heard on CBC radio last week that any screen time for a child less than 2 years old can cause developmental delays and problems with attention span and concentration. 

I personally feel it's really important to unplug on a daily basis. Not just when I'm doing kung fu, but reading a book, meditating and cooking. I try make sure to set my phone aside most of the time I'm at home so that I can live here, in the moment, without all of the constant distractions. I read that every time you 'clean up' your email inbox your brain releases serotonin as if you've accomplished an important task, and it's very easy to get addicted to those feelings of accomplishment and I find this to be true. So I practice leaving emails unread and take pride in leaving tasks unfinished once in a while. Yep, that sounds weird, even to me.  

But there are also great benefits to having access to "the net". There are more resources when you are dealing with a bullying situation. We have more information in regards to our health. And it's easy to keep in touch with long distance friends, or even make new friends with similar interests. It's just difficult sometimes to find the balance that we need between access at our fingertips, and the choice to unplug. 

Plastics

Well, pandamonium was really fun. We didn't seem to have as many people come out this year, but there was an amazing atmosphere on and off the mats. It was great how many people participated in the 24hours of continuous Kung fu. 
While in Houston, Brandi was telling me about a documentary she watched called addicted to plastic. She found it depressing and very discouraging, but she decided she wanted to then try to go zero waste. Which sounds like something anyone could accomplish, but it's definitely not as easy as one would think. We were even talking about how it's virtually impossible to buy berries that aren't in plastic. So this again has made me more conscious of what I'm purchasing and how it's packaged.

The cool thing is that just like 2 days after I got home, I found out that Bulk Barn is now allowing people to bring in reusable containers. I remember the first time I tried this and the discussion that ensued with the cashier as to why I wasn't able to do that. To me, that was the biggest reason to shop there. It was really frustrating. Happy to say, I made my first purchase this week in a reusable glass jar. This isn't a Bulk Barn advertisement or anything, but I think it's worthwhile for a lot of people to check it out. It's crazy how something so small can be so rewarding. I think if we all shopped more mindfully, the idea of zero waste would be much more realistic. It's something that I'm working on this year. One purchase at a time.

Houston

I've been having a great time here with Brandi and her husband Simon. It's great to get out of the routine and mix things up for a refresher.  We spent a large part of this morning talking about dreams and the subconscious mind.  Simon is great to bounce ideas off of because his major is religious studies and the occult and so he has many different cultural and spiritual references to draw from.

Simon was also a classmate of ours in China.  So the three of us spent yesterday morning all going through some forms together.  Discussing applications and the internal theory of movements.  So even though I'm away, I've been able to get some really great practice in.  I needed this time to really get back into a positive mindset.

This morning we went to a craft museum which was both super interesting and also very heavy.  There was an exhibit there focusing on veterans and the art they've created to deal with their feelings while trying to reintegrate back into society.  It really provokes thought to the struggle that veterans must go through.  It brought me mentally back to the kind-act-a-thon. Reminding myself of the power of kindness.  I've been really taking the time to look for opportunities for acts of kindness.  Keeping that at the forefront while I'm here.  Taking time to smile at a museum security guard and hold the door for someone. I'm looking forward to pandamonium.

Just Show Up

This week has been an interesting one for me personally. This year so far, outside of losing energy and struggling physically, I've stayed in a pretty good frame of mind. However, for some odd reason, this week I felt pretty unmotivated and frustrated with my training. I learned something valuable though, as always. One, I learned that I can still get excited about kung fu when I show up and go to classes. Two, even though I felt unmotivated I still got a lot done by just showing up and participating. I've also been having tonnes of fun with the Kind-Act-A-Thon. Being mindful about it really brings me back to the moment, which is something I certainly need some help with right now.

My aunt called me early in the week and asked me to talk to the family of someone she knows that's in the ICU at the UofA with GBS right now. That's a lot of acronyms in a single sentence. Ha. I've been having all sorts of bad dreams since which leave me with a pit of dread in place of my stomach. It's not like I've never talked about it before. But I've never talked to someone that's suffering from it right now. I don't know what to say and I'm scared I'll make things worse. I know how scary it is to be paralyzed and unable to talk, but I've never talked to someone paralyzed and unable to talk.

I'm leaving on Friday night to go hang out with my sister for the long weekend. A much needed break and time spent with someone that I've shared so much with. I'm so lucky to have her. I can hope I come back in a better frame of mind and a clearer perspective.

The Real Impact

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who came out to the pitch in project this weekend. It was a beautiful day, and because there were many hands, it made light work for everyone. Although those soggy bikes weren't exactly 'light'.

As much as I like this project  for it's obvious reasons, team work, community service, and a good ol' fashion cleanup, I always find it a little disheartening.

I know I've written this before, but I have the same internal dialogue each time I go. I find it so frustrating that we have to pick up the garbage. Not because someone didn't throw it in the garbage can, but because it exists at all. I work pretty hard at reducing my impact and especially since I live out in the country, I do a lot of driving. So I focus on the things I can really control. What I'm buying, and what I do with whatever waste I'm left with. I find a lot of the things we're picking up are recyclable, but past the point of really saving. There are so many paper cups with lids, fast food bags, and candy wrappers I just want to scream sometimes. I've often made comments about China and how, there, you can see the garbage because people just throw it on the ground. Just because we pick up the garbage and put it somewhere you can't see, doesn't mean it's gone. It's just hidden so we're not faced with the reality of our real impact on the environment.

This is why I love Silent River. Part of our intelligent curriculum is developing things like empathy, and personal and environmental self defense. If we can get people educated, hopefully it will help change the way someone looks at a plastic bag, a Styrofoam cup, or a cardboard box. Maybe they will see the real impact of their actions and make different choices.